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To Sam


Hi Sam, this is my first letter so here it goes...
I'm currently in a relationship with someone, the same sex, and I dont know how to tell my mum. I have a sister who is homosexual, but I dont know if mum will shout at me for copying her. I'm really getting worried, and I dont want to keep hiding everything! So should I tell her now? Or wait a bit longer till I'm older?
Ask Sam


Hi there

Thanks for your message.

I can hear that you are feeling confused at the moment. It seems like you have already started to think about talking to your mum, but are still not really sure what will be best for you. You don’t tell me how you and your mum get along but it's good that you feel that by telling her you won't have to hide things anymore.

Only you can know when would be the right time to talk to your mum and there is no need to feel any pressure to tell her, or anyone else, if you don’t feel ready. When thinking about whether you want to tell your mum, it might be worth thinking about some points to help you decide. For example, it could be useful to think about how close are you to your mum and how she reacted to your sister saying she was homosexual. If you have told anyone else, how did that feel?

It sounds like it might feel hard to hide your feelings and relationship from your mum and in that sense it might feel important to let her know. At the same time I can hear you think she might be angry with you. Most people agree that sexuality is not something you choose. That means it would be hard to copy someone else's sexuality - especially long enough to have a relationship with someone.

It can really help to think about what might feel more worrying - telling her and worrying how she might react, or not telling her and worrying about keeping things from her.

If telling other people about your sexuality or your new relationship feels hard, it might help to talk things through with someone else. Perhaps you could talk to a friend, or your sister if that felt comfortable. You could also talk to a ChildLine counsellor. Counsellors at ChildLine are there to help you think about what might be the best option for you. If telling people doesn’t go the way you hoped, you can also come to chat to ChildLine about how that’s left you feeling. You can also take a look at what other people are saying on the sexuality message boards as telling family and friends is something that other people may have struggled with and have experience of.

Take care


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