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Maybe I'm worrying about nothing ... | Ask Sam

I don't really know how to word this, please hear me out. I am a white girl and I was SA'd by a boy in my class (he groped me twice, he said it was an accident, but other people there, including his own friends, said it was deliberate). He is mixed (half black, half white). I know that his race has nothing to do with the fact he did it. I have friends who aren't white, including black friends, and some of my friends of colour have been the ones to support me through this.

I still haven't told my mum because she is racist. If I tell her what hapened she will assume it's because he is of black descent. She has very bigoted views, she has said my POC friends are "the good ones". I just want her to support me, but I know she will turn this into a race thing. Of course, I could just not mention who it is, but she will probably jump to conclusions anyway (she's the type of person who automatically assumes Muslims are responsible for every crime in the UK). I could tell a teacher at school, but I don't know if they will need to tell my mum, or if I can tell them not to. I'm maybe being dramatic, and I have no reason to tell her. If given the choice, I would rather tell another adult. I know my mum cares about me, but I hate how racist she is. This will just fuel her hatred because she thinks all POC are collectively responsible for something one person in the group does.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

It’s never your fault when someone touches you in a sexual way without your consent. It’s okay to want support, and lots of young people feel unsure about who’s safe to turn to.

Lots of young people feel trapped between wanting to report a sexual assault and worrying about how others might respond. This can be even harder when you’re worried that others will use what’s happened to justify their racist or prejudiced views. Not every parent is able to respond in a way that puts you first, but your mum’s views shouldn’t stop you getting support.

A trusted adult is someone you feel safe and comfortable with. For some this is their parent or carer. For others it might be a teacher, school counsellor, nurse or a safeguarding lead. Only you can decide who you feel comfortable talking to. Even if you’re not sure who to open up to, Childline counsellors are always here to support you as well.

Your school has a responsibility to keep you safe. This may mean that they’ll need to tell your mum what’s happened, but they can also support you with your worries about that. It can help to ask what they’d need to do, and to talk about how your mum might react. Remember, telling someone how your mum might react doesn’t mean you agree or condone it.

You’re the most important person in all of this, and no one should have to stay silent because of someone else’s prejudice. It’s always okay to speak up about abuse, and everyone deserves to be believed and supported without fear of racism or blame.

Take care,

Sam

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