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To Sam


Sam, there's a boy who I was seeing for 5 months but we aren't together anymore due to complications and that he isn't ready for a relationship. We basically broke up because I didn't treat him good enough. Since then I have changed myself and he has even said I seem better but he doesn't want a relationship at this moment because he has lost all trust in me. We both made a promise not to be with anyone less but I dont know what to do anymore because I feel like he doesn't want to be with me at all but he says I can't move on and I can't be with anyone or I would have broke the promise. I love him so so much and I just want to be with him but I dont know how to stop being depressed all the time about it because he says he loves me and that were going to meet up and stuff but we never do meet and I haven't seen him for nearly 3 weeks which is tough for me because my friends are always talking about me and him. Please help me in this situation.

Thanks, C*

Ask Sam


Hi C*,

Being in a relationship can be great when it’s going well, but also really stressful and draining when things are not so good between you. Relationships can be healthy, where there is communication, respect for each other, trust, honesty, feeling equal and also being allowed to keep your own interests and friends.

Relationships can also be unhealthy, where things don’t feel right, or one person controls the other or puts pressure on them. This can make you feel uneasy, depressed, scared and sometimes have physical symptoms like a dry throat, sweating, dizziness, tension and stress. Unhealthy relationships may also mean that a person is being exploited or abused. Unhealthy relationships are not okay and you can read more about this in our #listentoyourselfie campaign.

Breaking up can be hard for both people. It can be easy to make promises about not being with anyone else to help make it easier, especially if you've been together a long time. But as time goes on and things start getting back to normal, you start to realise what an enormous promise that is. Especially if one of the people reminds the other about it and pressures them to keep to it.

It might be good to try and talk to your ex about the promise you made and to see if you can work out a way to let it go. You should both be free to continue moving on and spending time with other people if you want to. If you'd like more support with this, you could speak to an adult you trust like a family member or a teacher at school or contact Childline to talk it through with a counsellor.

Take care,


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