Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My friends are so controlling of who I can like and not like

so whenever i like someone my friends always say i should not be able to date that person when I really like them for example I really liked thus guy and we bith loke each other but when he asked me out my friends said i shoukd say no so i ebded up saying no. my other friends lets call them maria and joe ni one has a problem wih then and they always make fun of them do my friends anyway i stopped hanging out eith then refently but is ut bad that i feek like im being annoying to them cuasse there dating i hust feel left out all the time i wish i had a realtionshio with someone

Ask Sam


Friends should always be supportive and have your best interests at heart. This includes being happy for you to spend time with other people and encouraging you if you choose to have a relationship with someone, so long as that relationship is a healthy one. If you feel as though your friends aren’t supportive or they are trying to control you then it could be time to end the friendship. However, there are some things that you might want to consider before doing this.

It's important to be able to tell the difference between friends who are being controlling and friends who may be trying to look out for you. Sometimes friends might have a good reason for discouraging you from having a relationship with another person. For example, it could be because they have genuine concerns about the other person and the way they might treat you. In these instances, your friends could be trying to keep you safe from harm.

One way to check this out is by talking to your friends and asking them to explain their reasons for saying you shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone. If you do this it’s important to try and stay calm and keep an open mind, telling your friends you want to understand things from their point of view. If your friends can’t explain, or give you reasons you don’t agree with then it could be a good idea to seek advice from someone outside of the friendship group, such as a Childline counsellor or from other young people on the message boards.

Sometimes friends might become controlling because of other reasons, such as worries about losing someone from the friendship group. If you think this could be the case, then it’s OK to be assertive and explain to them that you can still be their friend while having a relationship with someone. Hopefully, your friends will recognise the impact they have on you and change their behaviour. However, if you feel as though your friends don’t listen or take your feelings seriously then you could consider ending the friendship. If you do this try to make sure you have support from elsewhere first, as this can result in you feeling less lonely after walking away from your friendship group.

If you need any more help with this then you can always talk to a counsellor at Childline.

Take care


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