Hi Sam, i know i write these a lot so sorry if im wasting your time but im trans ftm and i want to have biological kids when im older but i don't want to get pregnant as this will likely trigger my dysphoria. Do you know what i could do?
Hi there,
Lots of people want to have children and raise a family. Being transgender doesn't change that but if you're not in the right place mentally and emotionally, it could cause problems for you.
Based on their biological sex, only people assigned female at birth can become pregnant. This can sometimes be a problem for people who were born transgender because even though their gender identity says they should be able to have a baby, their biology might not. This also means that you might identify as male but biologically have the ability to have a baby. Either way, this can be a reminder that your biology doesn't match your true gender, which is a difficult thing to accept.
Gender identity and understanding the differences between your biology and your true gender takes time. Some people decide to transition their body to match their true gender through surgery and hormones. Others choose to stay the way they are biologically but continue to identify as the opposite gender. There's no right or wrong thing to do because it's down to your personal choice.
Another thing to remember is that some people can't have children, whether they’re transgender or not. For people who want children, this is often a big disappointment and hard to come to terms with. In some ways, this is a similar struggle to yours. Because you’re male living in a female body, you don't have the sperm to make a baby - just like many other men who have this problem. For someone who is male-to-female transgender, they might be in a similar position to other women who can’t get pregnant.
For you, things sound like they're slightly different because you’re actually in a position to possibly have children of your own. But this would be a reminder of a gender you don’t identify with, so you would have to think about how much this might affect you.
Although this is a hard situation, I think you have a couple of options. The first is that if you do get pregnant at some point, make sure you have the support of family, friends and therapy to help get into the right place, mentally and emotionally.
The second option is to either adopt or have a surrogate mother carry the baby for you, which is what many men who can’t father children themselves do. Although the baby wouldn't biologically be yours, there is a lot more to being a parent than biology. Millions of people have foster parents or adopted parents and are happy, functional families just like any other.
This is a difficult decision to make but unless you're looking to start a family now it's probably something you have quite a bit of time to consider and come to terms with. There are options and it's about making the right option at the right time for you.
I hope this has helped, you can talk to one of our counsellors or with other young people on our message boards if you would like more support.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
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