Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

I'm nearly 15 and never had a boyfriend?

Hi Sam,
Until recently having a not boyfriend never bothered me but recently as I scroll down people's statuses are like 'Out and about with [Their boyfriend]
Also the majority of my friends seem to be boy obsessed either talking about their boyfriends/a boy they fancy/a boy that fancies them and I feel jealous. There are boys I do fancy but I never know if people are single and I don't want to upset anyone or course any hassle.
What's not helping is I'm friends with a couple of people young than me by 1 or 2 years and even they seem to be in relationships. Everyone I talk to just says 'You'll have plenty of boyfriends when the time comes' or 'You're too young to think about dating' it makes me feel fed up.
I don't want to just have a boyfriend to look cool or to have sex or anything just because I'm nearing the end of my school life and I think school would have been the pefect opportunity to find a boyfriend as you know what age guys are and if they have similar interests, as we've chosen our options. But I'm still not getting anywhere, I just feel like a freak who will never get a boyfriend.
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks so much for taking the time to write to me. It sounds as though a few of your friends are starting to have boyfriends and you seem to be comparing yourself to them. It’s OK to be yourself and not having had a relationship yet doesn’t mean that there’s something “wrong” with you. It’s OK to take your time and to wait for somebody who means something to you. Things like this happen at different times for different people.

From what you’ve told me, you’re feeling disappointed not to have found a boyfriend at school because you think that it’d be the ideal place to meet someone. I’m wondering whether you’ve thought of just talking to boys you that you like and getting to know them better. By doing this, you can find out whether they’re already in a relationship and you can also learn more about them and see whether you have things in common. 

It can be a good idea to think about what you’d like to get from a relationship and what qualities you are looking for in a potential boyfriend. It’s also important to make sure that you have a good relationship with yourself before getting into a relationship. This means learning about what you’d like from life and valuing yourself in your own right. 

I can tell that you’d really like to have a boyfriend now and you feel fed up of people saying that you’re too young or that you’ll have boyfriends in the future. It sounds like you’re feeling worried that it will never happen. Maybe you could have a think about joining a club or group as a way of meeting boys who like the same things as you. It is always useful to be a little patient in situations like this as impatience can lead us to rush into things or to make mistakes we may not have made otherwise.

If you feel as though you’d like to talk about this some more, please remember that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor. You might also want to take a look at the message boards section on Relationships. This is a place where young people can offer each other advice and support about what they’re going through.

You’ve done well to let me know about how you’re feeling. Thanks again.

Take care,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter