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To Sam

Self harm, my boyfriend needs to know

I really want to tell my boyfriend I self harm before he finds out him self.. But i dont know how to tell him or how he will react.
I dont want to be having a intimate moment with him and sudenly he realises all my scars and cuts. I think he would help me with it, but then again he might not.
Iv already put him through alot by telling him my stories, and he lookes after me, but there a things he dosen't know? Self harm, its embarasing for him not to know, Please how can i tell him? and is it the right thing to do?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your letter. You did the right thing writing to me. It sounds as though you’re feeling quite stuck at the moment and you’re not sure what to do.

You talk about feeling worried about your boyfriend finding out that you self-harm. I think it’s really positive that you’re thinking about reaching out to someone for some support. It sounds like you really want to tell your boyfriend about your self-harm but you’re not sure what to say or how he’ll react. You mention that you have told him about your stories and that he looks after you which is a really positive sign that he cares for you.

I can understand that you feel worried about him finding out suddenly if he sees your cuts and scars when you become intimate with each other. If you decide that you do want to tell your boyfriend about your self-harm, you might find it easier to do it in a way that leaves you with a bit more control of the situation. You could talk to him when you’re alone and explain to him a bit about how you self-harm and why. You could write a letter, or a text or email describing your feelings around your self-harm or you could even get a friend or family member to support you while you tell him.

It might help him if you explain what you need from him or what you would like him to do about what you have told him. For example, you might just want him to give you a hug, and listen to you, or you might want some specific help with something. However your boyfriend reacts or responds, you can continue to contact ChildLine for support during this time to help you through it.

One of the ways ChildLine can help you is to give you an opportunity to talk to a counsellor about self-harm on the phone or online. This would give them a chance to support you with what’s happening, and could also be a way for you to practice explaining your self-harm to someone else before talking to your boyfriend.

There is some information on self-harm in the Explore pages that you could look at. There are suggestions for where you can get practical help if you want to stop self-harming, or are worried about some of the dangers associated with it, such as infections and causing permanent damage. The Site is another website with a lot of useful advice. You might also want to look at the message boards, where you will find a lot of other young people talk about their experiences of self-harm and share the things that they have found helpful.

Take care and good luck,


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