Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I NEED more confidence

Dear Sam, I really need more confidence because I always shame myself in my head for everything and I have NO friends AT ALL so I REALLY need some serious help. Can you help me please? Lots (of help needed and) of love

Ask Sam


Hi there,

How we think and feel about ourselves can affect different parts of our life and if you’ve noticed your confidence isn’t as high as it could be, there are things you can do.

Self-esteem is the way you view and value yourself as a person, whilst confidence is believing in yourself, your ideas and abilities and feeling comfortable with how you look and feel.

Everyone’s confidence can go through ups and downs, but when it's low for a long time or affecting your life that can be a sign you might need some support so you can start to feel better. At times it can be helpful to think back to when you first noticed your confidence was low and when you first started to shame yourself in your head.

Sometimes something may have happened for you to lose your confidence - this could be bullying, a breakup, or arguments. Trying to understand what has led to you feeling like this can be a helpful step to building your confidence back up. Keeping a journal can help to see if there are any patterns or triggers and if there are, you can then think about ways to reduce these triggers.

Building your confidence is a skill and just like any skill it can take time and repeated practice to learn. Taking lots of small steps can lead to big changes and there are different things you can do to help build your confidence.

The biggest popstars, business or successful people can experience low confidence from time to time. Some have explained how they can create a character or pretend to be confident which helps them actually feel confident and you can do the same. Listening to uplifting music, podcasts or stories can also help you to feel better. It can also be good for you to think about the words you use about yourself too - if you notice you’ve said something negative, try to replace it and say something positive in the same way you would if you were talking to someone you cared about.

Having confidence can help you to make friends but sometimes you need to do something new to help build that confidence. Speaking to people who have the same interests can be a common way for friendships to start and having a shared interest can also help to start conversations. Our page on making new friends has other ideas you can try.

The Childline message boards are a place you can speak to other young people about how they have built their confidence and made new friends. Remember you can always talk to a Childline counsellor online or on the phone too.

Take care


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