Hi Sam, Im a girl in year 9. Last year, in year 8, i had this male teacher who was really funny, intelligent and caring and just overall nice, and i somehow developed a crush/strange attachment to him. He doesnt even teach me anymore but every time i see him i can't help but panic and worry and feel awkward walking past him. I feel really worried becuase even though i know tons of people get crushes on teachers, i feel like ive been almost obsessing over him and its just gone on too long. Ive wanted to tell someone for ages, but i can't because even the one person who i usually trust would judge me. Do you have any advice on how to get over this problem or at least stop worrying about it so much? Thank you so much!
Sam
Hi there
Teachers can be important people in your life, so it’s not unusual to develop feelings sometimes. However, feelings can start to become unhealthy when they become overwhelming or make you want to pursue them. Having crushes and finding yourself feeling attached to someone is completely normal, but when people have those feelings, it can often make them feel awkward and act differently around that person.
There are lots of things that you can do to help cope and distract you from these feelings. You could start by throwing yourself into other activities that you like, in and outside of school. Try and arrange to spend more time with people your own age and think about what you like about them instead of what you like about the teacher.
I know he doesn’t teach you anymore, but you could try and avoid seeing him where possible. If you do see him, you could try to think about him in the way you do about any other teacher. Having a few ideas about things you can do to distract yourself can make a difference too. That could be music, drawing, playing a game. When you feel you’re obsessing, remind yourself that it’s okay to have a crush but throw your focus onto something different.
It can be natural to worry about how others might react if you were to tell them, so I’m glad that you wrote me this letter. It can really help to talk about your feelings and that's always possible at Childline. You can also always talk to other young people on the message boards - that's a place where others share what things are like for them and young people talk on there about having a crush on people like teachers and what they do to cope. You can also talk to the Childline counsellors any time you need to as well as having written to me- they will not judge you and are always there to listen. A good way to start the conversation could be to send them an email, so that you can write down exactly how you feel when those feelings occur and have their support.
Take care,
Sam
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