Family relationships

a "perfect family"

It can seem like there's such a thing as a "perfect family". But different families face different issues, including:

divorce and separation
moving home
arguments
abuse or neglect
drug or alcohol problems
domestic abuse
money worries
cultural differences.

No matter what you and your family are going through, you're not alone.

Things to remember:

it's normal for families to argue sometimes
if your parents separate or get divorced, it's not your fault
if you're having problems with your family, stepfamily or carers, you can get support
talking to someone you trust can help
if it gets too much, our counsellors can help.

family arguments

It's normal for families to argue sometimes. But if you have a difficult relationship with your parents, or you feel like it's getting too much it can be hard to know how to fix it.

WHAT TO DO IF:

Your parents are fighting

If you're parents are fighting, telling someone, like a teacher or trusted adult about what's happening can help to make it stop. And remember, you can always talk to a counsellor about what's going on.

If your parents are abusive towards each other, this is domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse or violence can happen in any family and in all kinds of homes. Even if the violence is not aimed at you, you can get hurt too.

You might be in the same or next room when the violence is going on. Or the violence or abuse might also be aimed at you. This can be extremely upsetting and scary. But you're not alone.

Your parents get angry at you

When someone’s angry at you because of something you’ve done it can help to give them time to calm down. But remember that there’s a big difference between someone being angry and someone being aggressive.

Sometimes, someone might be angry at you for something you can’t control. It can help to remind yourself that this isn’t your fault.

No matter what’s happened, if someone makes you feel unsafe, hurts you or puts you down because of their anger, then that’s not okay. And it could be physical abuse or emotional abuse.

When your parents or carers get angry at you:

Wait until things have calmed down If someone’s angry, it can make it hard to talk about what’s happened. It can help to wait before you say how you feel
Say sorry If you’ve done something wrong, it can show that you understand why someone is angry at you
Speak to someone else like a friend or an adult you trust for support. They can help you to feel better
Don’t get angry back Try to stay calm even when your parents or carers are angry. See our advice on controlling your anger
Get support if you feel unsafe or you don’t know what to do. You can speak to a Childline counsellor any time or phone 999 in an emergency

Your parents change when they’re drunk

Your parents or carers should be looking after you. It's their job to keep you safe. But that may not be happening if they're drinking.

They might act differently after they have drunk alcohol. And if you're living with someone who drinks a lot, it might mean that you have to take on extra responsibilities. Or not getting the support you need.

The first step that can help is talking to someone you trust about what's going on. There may be services in your area that can help you with these things. If you'd like us to, we can help you work out what support might be available in your area. Just get in touch.

Get more help and advice about parents and alcohol.

You don't get on with your stepfamily

It's normal to find it difficult to adjust to a stepfamily or second family. Learning to cope with stepparents, stepbrothers and stepsisters can be a tough and lonely experience.

There can be pressure to be a 'perfect family', but it takes time to get to know one another.

If you're struggling to get on with your new family, you don't have to worry about it on your own. You could try talking to your parents about how you feel. If you feel that you can't talk to them, you can always talk to us.

Sally's Story

if you're not being looked after

Whoever you are and whoever your family are, you deserve to get the things you need. If you aren't getting what you need, like food and clothes, this is neglect.

If you're being neglected, it's important to ask an adult for help. This could be a teacher at school or a friend's parent. And remember you can always talk to a counsellor.

Neglect

If you’re not getting the important things you need at home, you could be being neglected.

ALWAYS
seem
to be arguing

When your family arguments get too much, get support

if you feel unsafe

If you are feeling unhappy or are being hurt by someone, it's important you get support as soon as possible. You could call the police on 999 or call us.

Some young people feel that running away may be their only option. But there are always options out there. And you could face different problems if you run away and are on the streets.

Homelessness and running away

Get advice if you're thinking of running away or if you live on the streets.

Forced marriage

Forced marriages can happen in secret and can also be planned by parents, family or religious leaders. It may involve physical abuse, sexual abuse or emotional abuse.

Living in care

If you live away from your parents, we can support you.

Need someone to talk to?

We're here for you and you can talk about anything.

Call us free on 0800 1111

KNOWING SOMEONE WITH DEMENTIA

What is dementia?

Having dementia is when you have a disease or illness that affects your brain over time. Someone with dementia might have problems remembering things, get confused a lot or they might have trouble speaking. Sometimes someone's behaviour can change.

Dementia gets worse over time but what happens can be different for everyone. Sadly there's no way to stop dementia.

Living with dementia is tough and it can have a big effect on you're close to the person who has it. You might feel:

like you're losing the person you care about
confused or scared about what's happening
frustrated that they can do things some days but not others
isolated or alone.

Taking care of yourself

Whether someone has just been diagnosed with dementia or they've had it for a long time, it's important to take care of yourself. Especially when you're finding things difficult. It can help to:

ask questions about what's happening, about the condition and what might happen next
think about things you can still do together, especially if it's harder to talk to the person like you used to
take time for yourself to relax or spend time with friends, you could also ask for time with other people in your family
talk about how you're feeling and ask for support if you need it.

If someone dies from dementia

If someone that you're close to dies from dementia, you might not know how to feel.

It's important to remember that there's no right or wrong thing to feel after someone dies, and that it's always okay to talk about it. Look at our advice for coping when someone dies.

talking to your family

It can be really difficult if your family argues a lot, if your parents divorce or separate, or your parents have drug or alcohol problems.

But talking to your parents or carers is a really important step in having a good relationship. And talking can make a difficult relationship better.

Sometimes it's easier to talk about the little things. You could start by telling them something about your day, or asking them how their day was.

This can help you connect more and make your relationship a little bit easier. It may also help your parents feel that they can be there for you if you go through a difficult time.

Fighting with your parents?

where you can get support

Families should be caring and loving towards one another. They are the people you should feel most safe and secure with.

It's normal for families to have problems sometimes. But if it's getting too much, we can help.