Parents and alcohol

drinking too much

Alcohol can affect people in lots of different ways. And drinking every now and then can be okay when it doesn't negatively affect how someone behaves.

It can be hard to accept or spot if someone has a drinking problem. Some things you might notice are:

they're not able to control how much they drink
their behaviour changes when they're drunk
you or your siblings aren't looked after because someone is drinking
they get aggressive or violent after drinking
friends coming to your house or seeing your parent
your parents try to keep their drinking a secret
they shout at you or say things to upset you when they're drunk
drinking becomes more important to them than other things in their life.

It's not your fault if your parents drink too much and you're not alone. We're here to help.

5 things you should know

It's not your fault if your parents or carers drink.
You don't have to keep their drinking a secret.
It's not down to you to stop them drinking.
You have the right to feel safe and loved at home.
You don't have to cope alone.

coping when your parents drink

Talk about what's happening

Talking to someone you trust can help you see you're not alone and could give you ways to get support.

You could try talking to:

someone else in your family or a family friend
your teacher or someone at school
your school nurse or doctor
a Childline counsellor.

Telling someone else doesn't mean you'll get your parent in trouble. But if you're worried, you can speak to a Childline counsellor confidentially. Find out about our confidentiality promise.

Should I talk to my parents about their drinking?

The only person that can stop your parent drinking is themselves. Sometimes talking to them about how you feel can help to show you care and are worried. But only if you think it would be safe to. It's important to think carefully about what you want to say and what might happen.

It's never your responsibility to talk someone out of drinking.

If you think talking to your parent or carer might be dangerous or make them angry, it may be better to get support from someone you trust. It's not a good idea to try to talk to someone about their drinking when they're drunk.

Talking to Childline can help you to decide whether you would like to talk to your parents or carers about their drinking.

Take a break and look after yourself

Feeling stressed or worried about things at home can be overwhelming sometimes. But taking a break and finding ways to relax can help you to cope.

Try planning some time when you're going to do something you want to. Give yourself as much time as you feel able to.

Why not try:

going for a walk if it's safe to
blocking out noise by listening to music
letting your feelings out with the Art box
writing about how you feel, or creating poetry
joining a sport team or club at school.

Get advice and ideas on taking care of yourself.

Speak to people in the same situation

It can feel like you're the only one going through this. But lots of young people talk to Childline about their parents drinking.

Try talking to other young people on the message boards about what's been happening.

Sharing your experiences can help you feel less alone and find new ways to cope. You can post on the boards any time or reply to other people's posts.

Get help if you don’t feel safe

You've got the right to feel safe at home no matter what. If your parent's been drinking, you might feel unsafe because:

they're not able to take care of you
you're not able to stay at home
they're shouting or getting violent or aggressive
things at home make you want to hurt yourself
you're worried about a brother or sister or other people at home
other people are coming to the house to drink.

If you're worried about your safety, it's important to get help. You can speak to a Childline counsellor any time.

In an emergency, you should always call 999.

Feel like you just want someone to listen?

There are loads of ways to contact us and you can talk about anything.

always
looking after
them

You don't need to cope alone. We're here to help

why do my parents drink?

Are they an alcoholic?

An alcoholic is someone who can't control their drinking or relies on drinking to cope.

Alcoholics are addicted to alcohol. This means they can have withdrawal symptoms when they stop drinking. This can make it even harder and sometimes dangerous for them to stop completely without help.

Doctors don't know all the reasons why some people become alcoholics. Some people start out drinking a little and end up addicted to alcohol. And some might start drinking after something bad happens.

Whatever the reason, it's not your fault and they need help.

Reasons for drinking

Someone might drink to:

forget about problems
deal with stress
cope with feeling upset
feel better about themselves
join in with what other people are doing.

No matter what your parents' reasons are for drinking, you deserve support.

Is it my fault?

Your parent or carer drinking is never your fault, but it can sometimes feel like it's your responsibility.

Living with someone who drinks can make you feel scared, worried or confused. Or it could make you feel down, or even neglected. It can sometimes feel embarrassing or like you want to drink a lot as well.

You might feel like you have to take care of your parents when they drink too much. Or you might end up looking after your brothers or sisters because your parents can't.

Whatever's happening at home, you deserve support, and you can always get help.

what happens if you tell someone?

Every family and situation is different, but telling someone can be the best way to get support.

If you tell a teacher, doctor or a professional you trust, they may need to talk to someone else to help you get the right support.

Sometimes the police or social services might get involved. They'll want to protect you and support your parents. And they should talk to you about what's happening.

It can be scary but the police or social services won't want to take you away from your home unless it's too dangerous to live there.

Asking an adult for help

Get tips on starting a difficult conversation.

other places that can help

Get advice from:

Nacoa - Information, support and advice for anyone who's worried about a parent drinking
Alateen - Offers meetings for 12-17 year old relatives of alcoholics
Living with Alcohol - A Newsround special on alcohol

Join the message boards

Try talking to other young people about your experiences at home. You can read other people's posts or post your own message.

Coping with stress

Get our tips to help you deal with stress, no matter what’s causing it.