Anger

People can do lots of things that make us angry. But that doesn’t always mean they’ve done something wrong.

When someone does something to make you angry, you might think:

• they don’t like me
• nobody cares about me
• they think I’m stupid.

But that doesn’t mean it’s true. Sometimes it might even have nothing do to with you or something you’ve done.

It can help to think of all the different reasons someone might be behaving or saying things that affect you. For example, someone might:

• be hungry
• not realise that what they’re doing would upset you
• be angry at something else
• be feeling stressed at something else.

Next time someone makes you angry, try writing down all the reasons it might have happened. Make sure you include things that weren’t your fault.

Thinking of all the reasons can be difficult at first, but you can ask an adult you trust for help or speak to a Childline counsellor.

You might get angry because you know that you’re in the right or that someone else is getting away with something. But when you start feeling like that, ask yourself the following questions.

• What will happen if I get angry?
• Is it worth it?
• Will getting angry change things?

Most of the time, being aggressive or angry will make things more difficult, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

A lot of the time, calmly walking away from a situation can show that you’re mature far more than getting aggressive.

When you’re getting angry, there are lots of things that will happen to your mind and body. You might:

• feel your muscles tensing up
• start breathing heavily
• notice your heart beating faster
• feel like you can’t think about anything except what’s happened 
• only be able to see the negatives about a situation or person
• struggle to say how you feel or think clearly.

Spotting the signs that you’re starting to get angry can help you to know when things might be getting out of control.

Try making a plan of things you can do when you start to feel angry.

There are lots of things you could do instead of getting aggressive, and you can get ideas from other young people on the message boards.

Write down a list of all the things you do when you get angry. Then for each thing, write down how it affects you or someone else.

After you’ve written your list, make a new list of things you can do instead when you get angry. For example, instead of shouting you could speak calmly. Then write down how your new list would affect you or someone else.

Making a list like this isn’t always easy and you don’t need to do it all straight away. Asking someone to help you can make it much easier. If you’re not sure who to ask, try speaking to a Childline counsellor.

Whenever you start to feel angry, think about your list of things you could do instead.

It can be tough changing how you feel when you’re angry at a situation that you can’t change, or if you’re just angry all the time. But you don’t have to cope with things alone.
Talking about what’s been happening can help you to:

• get ideas about how to change things
• think about different ways to cope
• understand ways to feel less angry in the future.

Asking for help isn’t always easy. Sometimes it can help to start a conversation by writing a letter or sending a message.

If you’re not ready to talk to someone you trust, you can speak to a Childline counsellor about anything.

The more you practice behaving differently when you get angry, the easier it can get. Remember that even if you can’t control your anger once you can still keep trying.

There are lots of things you can do to help you keep trying.

• Use your mood journal Write down what goes well and when you would have liked things to be different.
• Give yourself time Things don’t change straight away, but the more you try the easier things can get.
• Talk about things It can be tough coping alone, ask what other people think and speak to an adult you trust about how they could support you.