Divorce and separation

will my parents split up?

Everyone in a relationship disagrees sometimes. But when you're hearing your parents or carers argue, it can make you worried that they might split up.

Parents and carers can get a divorce or split up for lots of reasons, and your parents fighting doesn't necessarily mean that they'll break up. But if you're worried, it's important to talk about it.

If your parents do decide to split up or divorce, you're never to blame. You might worry about what happens next, but you're not alone.

Four things to remember:

it's not your fault
it can take time to adjust to things changing
there are lots of reasons why people divorce or separate
if you're worried, we're here to talk.

coping with divorce

Finding out your parents or carers are getting a divorce can be really upsetting. No matter how you're feeling, there are ways to cope.

Ask questions
It's okay to ask questions about what's going to happen or things you're not sure about. If you're worried about asking too many questions, sometimes it can help to write them down and give them to your parent or carer.
Let your feelings out
You could write an anonymous letter to Sam, use the Art box or keep a Mood journal. Expressing your feelings can stop them from building up and being too much to cope with.
Give yourself time
It might feel like things will never get better, especially when you've just found out. But how you feel can change over time, and we're here to support you.

Talk about it

Talk about how you're feeling to someone you trust. Saying how you feel doesn't mean you're taking sides or betraying anyone, but it can help you to cope.

Say what you want to happen

You can't control whether people stay together. But telling them who you'd like to see and how often can help your parents to think about how best to support you.

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If your parents are getting a divorce or are separating, we can help

your questions about divorce

Is it my fault?

No. Your parents separating or getting a divorce is never your fault.

Lots of young people ask themselves what they could have done differently, or whether they could have done something to stop it.

There's no single reason that people break up. They might have grown apart or changed over time, or something might have happened that's changed how they feel about each other.

But even if how they feel about each other has changed, how they feel about you shouldn't.

Feeling guilty because you blame yourself for what's happened can make it hard to talk, but it can really help. If you're scared, try writing how you feel in a letter or practising with a Childline counsellor.

What's the difference between divorce and separation?

Separation
This is when two people decide to end their relationship. This might be for a short time to work out if they want to be together, or it might be forever.

Most of the time, people will live apart after they've ended their relationship. Separating doesn't have to involve the courts, but sometimes people will get a legal separation. This is when someone wants to separate without getting a divorce.

Divorce
Getting a divorce is when two people decide to end their marriage or civil partnership. This means they'll be free to marry someone else in the future if they want to.

What if I don't want to see one of my parents?

There might be lots of reasons you don't want to see one of your parents or carers. You might be angry at them about the divorce, worried about hurting your other parent or scared that they'll hurt you.

Whether your parent or carer is still allowed to see you is different for everyone, and can depend on what's happening.

Talking to an adult you trust who's not involved like a teacher or someone at school can help you to get support. If you're not sure who to talk to, you can always speak to us.

If your siblings still want to see them

Even if you don't want to see your parent or carer, your siblings might. You might feel angry or betrayed by them, but it's important to remember that it's their decision.

Even if your sibling lives with a parent you don't want to see, you can still have a relationship with them. Try:

talking to your parent about ways to see each other by yourselves or with someone you both get on with
agreeing to respect each other's decision even though you don't agree
think about activities you can do together that you'll both enjoy.

You're not alone

Some worry about people knowing their parents are divorced, but every family's different. Try talking to other young people on the message boards about their families.

if things don't get better

There are lots of reasons you might feel unhappy after your parents get divorced or separate. You might:

be angry or upset at your parents
miss how things used to be
have had to change schools or move
give up things you own or a pet
not get to see people you care about as much.

It's okay to be upset by all of this, even if it's been a while.

do i have to say something?

If you've not felt able to ask for support, remember:

how you're feeling is important
there are lots of ways to ask for help
Even if you're not sure who to ask, you can talk to us.

Other sites that can help

Want more advice about divorce and separation? These sites can help.

CAFCASS help young people whose parents are going through family courts
LawStuff help you learn your rights if you're parents get divorced.

Divorce and separation

will my parents split up?

coping with divorce

Talk about it

Say what you want to happen

your questions about divorce

Is it my fault?

What's the difference between divorce and separation?

What if I don't want to see one of my parents?

You're not alone

if things don't get better

do i have to say something?

get more support

Family problems

Stepfamilies and second families

Depression

Coping with anxiety

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