Sexual abuse

What is sexual abuse?

Sexual abuse is when someone is forced, pressurised or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with another person.

Examples of sexual abuse include:

being touched in a way you don't like without giving permission or consent
someone flashing or exposing themselves to you online or offline
being forced to have sex (intercourse), look at sexual pictures or videos, do something sexual or watch someone do something sexual.

Sexual abuse can include lots of things like rape and sexual assault, sexual harassment, online grooming and domestic abuse or violence.

It can also include sexual exploitation (being pressure into having sex with someone in return for getting something like money or drugs), sexting or child pornography.

6 facts about sexual abuse:

sexual abuse can happen to both girls and boys
someone could be sexually abused by a stranger, somebody you love and trust or a boyfriend or girlfriend
someone could be sexually abused by a person of the same sex
sexual abuse isn’t always ‘full sex’ – it can also include touching, kissing, oral sex or anything sexual
sexual abuse can happen online as well as offline
you're not alone and there are people who can help you.

feeling
pressured
into having sex

Check out our #ListenToYourSelfie campaign and get advice about relationships

Why SEXUAL ABUSE can happen

It's normal to want to know why it can or has happened. It’s nothing to do with who you are, or what you’ve said or done. Some people want to feel power and control.

They know what they’re doing is wrong. They might tell you to keep it a secret or try and make you believe that it’s okay. This is called ‘grooming’ which is a way to build up trust with you so they can keep abusing you. Grooming also happens online.

What is sexual harassment?

Sexual harassment is a type of bullying in a sexual way. It can happen anywhere, including at school, at home or at work. It can leave you feeling humiliated, embarrrassed, self-conscious and frightened.

Sexual harassment is when you're made to feel uncomfortable if somebody:

pinches or grabs your breasts and private parts
spreads sexual rumours about you
says inappropriate or sexual things about the way you look that make you feel uncomfortable
calls you names such as slut, tart, whore or manwhore
objectifies you by talking about your body parts
takes your clothes off when you don’t want them to
touches you in a way you don't like
forces you to kiss somebody or do something else sexually.

How to stop harassment

Ask them to stop
Let the person know that you don’t like what they are doing and you want it to stop. If you feel unsafe confronting them, don’t put yourself at risk. Tell someone else who can help.
Be Assertive
Find out about being assertive so you can say how you feel.
Support others
If you’ve noticed it’s happening to another person as well, you can try and support each other in reporting it.
Know your rights
Try not to nervously laugh, smile or ‘go along’ with the harassment. Try to send the message that it is not okay. Remember, you have the right to say no to any comments or touching that you don't like.
Keep a record
Note when and where the sexual harassment happens and who does it.
Report it
Tell a trusted adult such as a teacher. The school has a duty to take these reports seriously.
Get support
Contact us free on 0800 1111 or through 1-2-1 counsellor chat for help and support.

HOW TO TELL SOMEONE YOU'VE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED

If you've been sexually abused and you're not sure how to bring it up with someone who could help, try these steps;

Pick somebody you trust
Speaking up about sexual abuse is a brave and difficult thing to do. They could be a grandparent, neighbour, a friend’s parent, teacher, religious leader or doctor. Find out more about asking an adult for help.
Write it down
Talking about abuse can be upsetting but it’s important that you tell them as much as you can about what’s been happening – you could try writing it down in a letter instead.
Pick a time
When you can talk privately with the person you want to tell.
Get support
If you have a close friend, you could ask them to be there when you tell somebody.
Understand that it’s NOT your fault
You may feel ashamed or embarrassed. But you shouldn’t be. And you shouldn’t let that stop you talking to someone you trust.
Know that Childline is always here for you
You can contact us on 0800 1111 and online.

Sexual abuse is one of the hardest things to talk about. It can make you feel afraid, isolated or ashamed. But it's never your fault and it's never too late to tell someone. There are people who can help you. If you're finding it hard to talk about what happened, you can try expressing yourself using our Art box.

Sexual abuse: how we can help

Tell someone with a letter

Writing a letter can be a good way to tell someone when you don't want to talk face to face. Our letter template can help.

Sexual abuse: Katie's story

Katie shares her story of sexual abuse from her step-father and boyfriend.

What you can do

Sexual abuse is wrong. It doesn’t matter how many times it happened, how long ago, or whether they were male or female, it's still important that you get the help and support you need. It's never too late to tell somebody.

If it’s happening to you, we can help. Call us on 0800 1111, or talk online on our 1-2-1 counsellor chat. If you call us you could say “somebody is making me do something which I don’t like.” You don’t need to say who it is. The counsellor will want to understand what’s been happening for you and they might ask some questions. But it’s okay to say you don’t want to answer any questions you’re not comfortable with.

Collect things that could be used as proof

Even if you think that you don’t have any evidence, it's still important that you tell somebody. If you can, save any texts, emails or messages from the person who is abusing you and the times it happened. But remember, if you don’t have evidence, you can still ask for help

Never give up

Some people may find it upsetting to be told about something as serious as sexual abuse and may find it difficult to come to terms with what you are saying. They may not want to get involved or might suggest that you're overreacting or that you've got it wrong. All this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tell people. If you speak to someone who doesn’t want to help you, don’t give up – tell somebody else. You have done the right thing in speaking up.

Remember you're not alone

It’s normal to feel worried about:

what people might think
upsetting a parent or carer
making the abuse worse for yourself or a brother or sister
getting the person who’s abusing you into trouble
breaking up the family

The most important thing is that you are safe and you feel like you can talk to somebody. You shouldn’t have to go through this on your own.

Reporting the abuse to a teacher, police officer or doctor

There are a few things to remember if you tell a professional. They have a duty to report it to a social worker:

a social worker’s job is to talk with you and your family to see how to keep you safe is. If they can, they will always try and sort things out in the family before they think about moving anyone out of the house
depending on the information they have and whether they know of your family already, a social worker may do a ‘safety check’ within 7 days. This usually means a social worker coming round to speak to you and your parent or carer
if the abuse is happening at home, you can tell a teacher that you’re afraid and would prefer to speak to a social worker at school instead
if you have any evidence then it’s a good idea to give them that too. If you do decide to tell someone you can still talk to us about what is happening for you.

What to do if you're worried about a friend

If you think your friend might be being abused, talk to them about it. You can let them know that you are there for them to talk if they want to. Remember that they may not want to talk to you about it. They may be scared about what will happen if they tell someone.

If they do tell you about what’s happening to them, you could encourage them to tell a trusted adult about it. Let them know that you are there for them and they can talk to you. You and your friend can also talk to a counsellor at any time. It could help to sit with your friend and have a look at our website, so they can see what we do and how we can help.

It can be very difficult hearing that a friend has been abused, but we can support you through this. Contact a counsellor.

Getting through a tough time

If you’re struggling with something that’s happened, we’ve got some advice to help.

Watch: how to spot the signs of online grooming and what to do if you're worried

Other helpful sites:

Rape Crisis has help and support for women and girls who've been raped or experienced sexual violence.

Survivors UK supports men and boys who've experienced sexual abuse and rape.

Our confidentiality promise

Confidentiality means not telling anyone else what you've told us. Read more.