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Relationships
Being in a relationship can be really exciting, but sometimes it can be confusing too. Read our advice on what to do if you’re not sure about a relationship.
Starting your first relationship
There’s no right or wrong time to start a relationship. And deciding whether you want to get together with someone should always be your choice. It’s important to think about what makes you happy, especially if you’re feeling pressured by other people.
Remember that relationships don’t all look the same, so what you want might be different to what someone else wants. If you’re ever worried or unsure, you can talk to us.
Deciding whether to ask someone out? We’ve got lots of advice to help:
How to tell someone you like them
Liking or having a crush on someone can bring up lots of feelings. You might be excited, worried about being rejected or you might be embarrassed.
When you like someone and you want them to know, there are a few things you can do to make it easier:
- Spend time together
Getting to know someone can help you decide whether you want to ask them out, and can help you see whether they like spending time with you too. - Think about what they’d want
It’s not always a good time to ask someone out or tell them you like them. Think about how they might feel, and don’t do anything that would make someone else feel uncomfortable. - Build your confidence
Feeling good about yourself can help you to feel more confident and able to share how you feel. We’ve got lots of advice on building confidence and self-esteem. - Be casual
Keep your other interests and spend time with other people as well as talking to the person you like. - Ask for advice
Ask your friends or someone you trust what they think, or get tips from message boards.
Starting out in a new relationship
Every relationship is different, so it’s important to think about what you’re both comfortable with. It can help to focus on just being yourself and doing things you both enjoy while you get to know each other.
Even when a relationship is exciting, remember to keep spending time with your friends, family and the other people you care about. And if something makes you feel uncomfortable or confused, then it’s okay to talk about what's happening to someone you trust or a Childline counsellor.
Get more advice on how to tell the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.
Coping with rejection
Being rejected can be tough. You might feel embarrassed, hurt, or like you’ve done something wrong. But there are ways to build yourself back up again.
- Spend time with other people
- Keep in touch with friends and people you care about, even if you don’t want to see them in person.
- Think about what you like about yourself
- Write a list of good things people might say about you, big of small. Then choose one or two things, and write some more about them.
- Remember a rejection isn’t about you
- Be kind to yourself. People can choose to not start a relationship for lots of reasons, and it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you.
- Accept it
- If someone says that they don’t want a relationship, it’s important to respect their decision and not make them feel pressured or bad for that.
If you’re struggling to cope, it can help to talk to an adult you trust or to a Childline counsellor.
4 things to remember about relationships:
- Whether you want to be in a relationship is always your choice
- There are lots of different types of relationship, and every relationship is different
- It can help to learn about healthy and unhealthy relationships
- If you’re worried, Childline’s here to support you
Breaking up with someone
Break-ups can be hard for everyone involved, but sometimes they can also feel like a relief. Whether you want to break up or you’re being broken up with, there are ways to cope.
Telling someone you want to break up
If you’re thinking about breaking up with someone, we’ve got advice to help:
- try doing it face to face if you can and it feels safe to
- practice being assertive and explaining the reasons you want to end the relationship and think about what you’ll be asked
- make a plan of what to do if the other person takes it badly or it doesn’t go well
- don’t make promises you can’t keep, like saying you’ll stay friends
- arrange a time to get back your belongings and return theirs
- plan what you’ll do afterwards, and think about whether you want to talk to someone you trust about how it went
If you're scared about what would happen if you tried to end your relationship, speak to an adult you trust or get support.
When someone breaks up with you
Being broken up with can bring up lots of reasons, you might be confused, hurt or angry. It can take time to start feeling differently, but you don’t have to cope alone.
If you’re struggling, we’ve got advice to help:
- Talk about it
Spend time with people you care about, do something fun together or share how the break-up is affecting you. - Do things that help you feel good
Take time every day to do something you enjoy, or try new activities to build your confidence and self-esteem. - Accept it
If your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, then try to respect that. If you’re struggling, it can help to write down what you’d like to say in a letter that you never send. - Give it time
How you’re feeling might not change straight away, but it can start to feel better in the future. - Take care of yourself
Keeping a healthy routine can help make it easier to cope when you’re feeling low.
What to do if you feel unsafe
You have the right to feel safe in any relationship, that includes when you decide to end it. If someone’s making you feel unsafe in a relationship, that can be abuse and there are ways to get support.
- Get support
Talk to an adult you trust about what’s happening and how they can support you. Or talk to a Childline counsellor about the best ways to get support. - Make a plan
Plan how you want to break up with someone, any of your belongings you need to get before you do and where you can go to keep safe if needed. It can help to tell someone you trust what your plan is so they can support you. - Choose when to do it
Decide when it’s best to get away, and tell someone you trust when you’re going to do break up with someone or leave them. - Get help for afterwards
If someone is making you feel unsafe or pressuring you after a break-up, we’re here to help. Remember that if someone threatens you, it’s okay to call 999.
Relationships and sex
There are lots of things to think about if you’re considering being sexually active in a relationship. It’s important to consider what you’re both comfortable with, and whether you’re feeling pressured or unsure.
If you’re thinking about being sexually active, we’ve got advice to help:
LGBTQ+ Relationships
Every relation is different, and if you identify as LGBTQ+ you’ve still got the right to feel comfortable and respected when you’re in a relationship.
You might be worried about:
- Homophobia, biphobia or transphobia around your relationship
- How to ask someone out, or worrying about how they’ll react
- Being in a relationship when you’re not out
- Having for feelings for someone you weren’t expecting to, and what your sexuality is
- Asking for support if you need it, especially if people don’t know you’re in a relationship
Whatever’s on your mind, you’re not alone and Childline is here to support you. You can talk to a Childline counsellor about anything.
Long distance relationships
Whether your relationship has always been long distance or you’re trying to stay together after moving away, it can be tough when you can’t see each other very often.
Just like any other relationship, it’s important to make sure you’re not feeling pressured or uncomfortable in your relationship.
- Plan things to do together
Schedule time that you can talk or facetime, or plan times that you can watch things together. - Keep talking to other people you care about
Share how you’re feeling with people outside of the relationship, and make time to do things you usually enjoy. - Be careful who you’re talking to
Not everyone is honest about who they are online. Avoid sharing too much personal information, and talk to someone you trust if you’re not sure. - Get support if you’re worried
Even when it’s long distance, there can be signs that a relationship isn’t healthy. If someone says or does something that makes you worried, it’s important to talk about it. - Remember that it’s okay to miss someone
It’s natural to miss someone when you’re so far apart. Keeping pictures and reminders of someone with you can help you keep feeling close.
Age gaps in relationships
Being in a relationship where there’s an age gap isn’t always a big deal. But there are some things to think about.
An age gap can sometimes mean there’s a big difference in what you can do or how much money you have. It’s important to remember that feeling equal and being able to share what you want is an important part of any healthy relationship.
Relationships, sex and the law
It's illegal to have sex or do sexual things without full consent from everyone involved.
It can be a crime to engage in sexual activity with someone if:
- they're not able to give or accept consent because they're drunk or they've taken drugs
- you're not sure whether someone is consenting
- they're worried about being hurt if they don't say yes
- you're in a position of trust or power over the other person.
The age of consent is 16. This means that it's illegal to have sex with anyone who's under 16 years old. This is the same no matter what your sexuality or gender is.
It's important to remember that the law is there to protect children and young people, not punish them. If you're both aged 13-15 and you’ve consented to doing things, it's still against the law. But it's less likely that legal action would be taken.
It’s never legal for someone to have any sexual contact with you if you’re under 13. If that’s happened, then we’re here to support you.
When someone over 16 is having sex with someone under 16, they're also breaking the law. They may be arrested even if everyone has consented.
Feeling in control
Having an age gap can sometimes mean that one person feels more in control of what’s happening, but it’s important in any healthy relationship that you both have a say.
It’s important to get support if:
- You’re scared or worried about saying what you want
- Your partner tries to say who you can see or what you can do
- There are times you don’t feel like you can say no
- You’re hurt or made to feel uncomfortable
If you’re not feeling in control in your relationship, we’re here to help.
People not approving
It can be really hard if your family or friends don't like your partner. Or if they stop you from being with someone.
You might feel sad, angry, confused or isolated, but there are things you can do to help:
- Find out why they think this way
Your family might not agree with the relationship because of their behaviour, age, race, gender, religion or because of other reasons. - Talk about it
Share what you think and give your friends or family time to explain their concerns. It can also help to get advice from someone independent, like a teacher. - Talk to us
Speak to one of our counsellors who are here to give advice and support.
I fancy my teacher
It’s natural to have crushes on teachers sometimes. But it’s wrong for a teacher to start a relationship with you.
It's wrong because your teacher is in a position of trust and it's against the law for them to have any kind of personal relationship with a student who is under the age of 18.
It's a teacher's responsibility to work with you in a strictly professional way. This means that at all times they are a teacher and you are a student. If you left school or if the teacher worked at a different school, it would still be seen as wrong and unprofessional.
If you’re struggling with your feelings for someone, you can get support from Childline any time you're feeling pressured or uncomfortable.
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