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Grooming
Anyone can experience grooming, and it can have a big effect on you if it’s happened. Find out more about what it is, and what to do if you’re worried.
Content warning: This page mentions sexual abuse
What is grooming?
Grooming is when someone builds your trust and makes a connection with you to get you to do something sexual or illegal. Grooming can happen to anyone, and it is never your fault.
Someone could be groomed by someone they know, by a stranger or by a person they met online. That person could be older, the same age, or even someone who's in a position of authority over you, like a teacher or sports coach.
Because grooming involves using trust against people, it can be hard to recognise when it’s happening. If you’re worried about someone’s behaviour or something that’s happened to you, you can talk to us.
Types of grooming
There are lots of different reasons someone might groom another person. They might try to:
- have sexual conversations or share sexual messages
- get someone to send nudes or sexual images or videos
- take part in live streams or video chats that become sexual
- pressure or threaten someone into selling drugs, hurting other people or doing something illegal
- blackmail someone into giving money, sharing images or giving out personal information
- meet up in person, or travel somewhere new.
Places to get help
- Talk to an adult you trust, like a teacher or someone at home
- Speak to us confidentially about anything
- Speak to SafeCall on 116 000 if you’re being involved in carrying or delivering drugs or other illegal activity
- Get images shared online taken down using Report Remove
- Make a report to CEOP about what someone is doing online
Coping after grooming
Experiencing grooming or being pressured into doing something isn’t your fault. And you don’t have to cope with it alone.
Even if something doesn’t involve grooming, it’s okay to get support if you’ve been hurt or made to feel uncomfortable.
Whatever’s happening, there are things you can do:
Stop responding
Don’t reply to messages or threats, and don’t try to reason with someone or change things yourself.
Remember that it’s okay to block someone and that you don’t have to explain why.
Talk to someone you trust
Telling someone what’s happened doesn’t mean you’ll get in trouble or be told off. You deserve to feel supported. Talking about what’s happening can help you get a second opinion when you’re not sure.
You might want to talk to an adult you trust, like:
- your parents or carers
- someone at school, like your teacher or a sports coach
- a relative or an adult you know well
- your doctor, or the school nurse
- someone in your church or a religious leader.
Not sure who to talk to?
No matter what’s happened, you can talk to us. A Childline counsellor won’t judge you, and you can talk to them confidentially.
Report what’s happened
If someone has sent you sexual images, message or tried to get you to do sexual things online. You can report it to CEOP.
CEOP are there to keep children and young people safe from sexual abuse and grooming online. If you’re not sure whether you want to, you can talk to us first, or find out more about what happens when you make a report here.
You can also make a report on the site or app you’re on. It’s important to remember that sites might not always respond to reports straight away, and you can block them if they keep contacting you. It can help to report each post or time someone contacts you.
Get sexual images of you taken down
Having your nudes shared without your consent can bring up lots of feelings, and it can be scary if someone’s threatening to share them.
Report Remove allows you to confidentially report nude images and videos of yourself, to see if they can be stopped from being shared publicly online.
Find out more about Report Remove here.
Coping with difficult experiences
Going through difficult or dangerous situations can have a big impact on you. It can leave you feeling overwhelmed or confused. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.
It’s natural to need support after something’s happened, there’s lots of ways to get help and support yourself:
- Talk to someone
This could be your GP, an adult you trust or a friend. Talking about how you’re feeling can help you to get the right support find new ways to cope. You can always talk to us. - Find new ways to cope
Use things like the Coping Kit to help you find ways to cope, or visit the Calm Zone for ideas of how to ground yourself and feel calm. - Plan for when things get too much
A mental health first aid kit is a plan of how to cope when things are getting too much. You can make one any time by yourself, with a Childline counsellor, or with an adult you trust.
Signs of grooming
Building relationships with people online or in other parts of your life is natural, grooming is when someone uses those relationships to trick, force or manipulate someone into doing something sexual or illegal.
Grooming isn’t always easy to recognise, but whatever’s happening it can help to talk to us about it.
Grooming can involve:
- Asking you to keep things secret
This could include being told not to tell anyone, that it’s special between you two or that other people won’t understand. You might be asked to keep it secret to show you trust them. If this is happening, it can help to talk to us. - Trying to find out things about you
Someone might ask you which room you’re in and whether anyone else can see your device. This is to stop anyone who might want to help you from finding out. - Sending you sexual messages or images
This might be small at first, like asking you whether you’ve ever kissed anyone or saying how much they like your body. Someone might share images with you and ask you to share them back. - Giving you gifts or compliments
Giving gifts or making you feel good can be a way to make you feel like you owe them and can make it harder to resist when they ask you to do something sexual or illegal. - Making you feel isolated
Saying that you can’t trust other people or stopping you from telling anyone else can make it harder for you to get support. People do this because they know other people will help you. If you’re feeling alone with something, you can always talk to us. - Threatening you
If someone’s gotten you to share something about yourself or do something, sometimes they might threaten to tell other people about what’s happened. It’s important to remember that this is abusive, and it’s never okay. - Things are too good to be true
People who groom others will try to meet their needs as a way to get what they want. Even if someone’s making you feel good at times, it’s important to get support if they’re asking you to do something sexual or illegal.
Online Grooming
Connecting with other people is natural when you’re spending time online. It can be easy to meet new people, but it’s not always as easy to tell when someone is trying to trick or persuade you to do things.
Grooming can happen anywhere you meet people online, including:
- social media and messaging apps
- dating sites
- video and group chat apps
- online games
Remember that the photos, videos and even text someone else sends to you might not always be real, it could have been stolen from someone else or faked using AI tools. Nobody has the right to pressure you or make you feel like you should do something you wouldn’t do normally.
Sites where you can meet people online aren’t always designed for young people, especially things like dating apps. It can help to think about ways you can stay safe online, and what to do if things you’re not expecting happen.
Worrying about someone else
If someone’s being groomed or hurt, they might:
- keep secrets, or lie about what’s happened
- feel scared to talk about things, or avoid talking about it
- suddenly have money, or new things like clothes or phones that they can’t explain
- suddenly change, or avoid spending time with other people
Lots of things can make someone change suddenly, but if you’re worried then it’s okay to ask for support.
It can help to share what’s making you worried with the person you know, or to get help from an adult you trust.
You can talk to us about anything that’s happening, even if it’s about someone else. Childline is confidential, and you can find out more about that here.
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