Build your confidence and self-esteem

What's it all about?

Self-esteem is how you think and feel about yourself. Feeling confident means feeling good about yourself, your abilities and your thoughts.

Lots of us feel that we want to be more confident– even people we think could never struggle with their self-esteem. Sometimes your confidence can go up and down depending on the situation. You might be really chatty around your mates, but struggle to put yourself out there with new people. This is totally normal.

Building up your confidence can take time. But taking small steps can often lead to big changes, which can make a big difference in how you feel every day.

Bring out your confidence

We’re all unique, and what makes each of us feel our best is going to be different for everyone. And everyone’s best is going to look different day to day. One day your best might be feeling confident enough to get out of bed, the next it might look like trying out some public speaking.

But when you find what gives you that spark, pay attention to it. It might be the change you’ve always needed.

Need a hand with starting out? Give these things a try:

Act like you're already confident

Confidence is often all about mindset and body language. You can make the decision to act confident, and the more you make that decision, the more you’ll start to really feel it.

You could try making more eye contact with others, avoiding apologising for things you haven’t done or aren’t your fault, or sitting and standing with your back straight and shoulders back.

These things can seem scary at first. But after you’ve done it once, you’ll slowly gain the confidence to do it again and eventually, it will come naturally.

Look at yourself differently

Every day, try to find one thing that you like about yourself. It could be your hair, your sense of humour, your excellent taste in music, or your footy skills. Once you’ve made that start, you can begin to think of more things, and really big yourself up as much as you can.

Use assertive language

Sometimes the way you say stuff can make a big difference to how you feel, and what others think of you.

Try using words like 'yes' and 'no' instead of 'sort of' and 'not really'. Using more assertive language can help you feel more powerful, and will help others see you as someone who is self-assured.

Try new things

Try a new thing every day. It could be a small thing, from styling your hair differently to volunteering to read out loud in class or joining a team.

Each time you do something new, you are slowly stepping out of your comfort zone. And the further you step outside of your comfort zone, the braver and more confident you’ll start to feel.

For inspiration, you could check out the hobbies and interests message board to see what new things other people are giving a go.

Be kind to others

Help out or be kind to a mate or someone in your family without being asked. You could offer to help them with a project, do the washing up, or compliment them on their outfit.

Doing good things for others can make you feel appreciated and valued, and seeing someone else happier because of your actions will give your confidence a boost.

Celebrate differences

If someone's made you feel bad for being or looking different, or bullied you about your race, about your gender, or because you have a disability, it can be really hard to deal with. But the world would be so boring if everyone was the same. Remember that.

Try making a list of all the things that you like about being different or that you're proud of. You could keep this somewhere so you can look back at it when you need a boost.

Unbox Your Brain - Rosie McClelland about feeling self-conscious

“My confidence wasn’t always the best, until I learnt not to care what people think.

I don’t mean that in a way where it’s like, you shouldn’t be a nice person. It’s more that I learnt that other people don’t really care what you look like , so try not to worry about it. The only thing you can do is be yourself”

- Jordon Wilson, Content Creator

Confidence and your relationships

When we’re with the right people, they bring out the best in us. They lift us up, rather than bring us down.

If you’re hanging out with people that leave you feeling worse about yourself every day, it can really knock your confidence. But there are ways that you can take control of the situation and build yourself back up.

Tune into your feelings

Pay attention to what’s making you feel the way you’re feeling, and what’s or who is knocking your confidence. You might want to write things down to make sense of it, or chat to someone you trust about how it’s making you feel.

Have your own back

If someone, even if they’re a mate, treats you in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself, tell them. Set boundaries about what is and isn’t OK to say to or about you, even if they might be joking.

If you need a hand being assertive, we’ve got some tips to help you.

Chat to someone new

Putting yourself out there isn’t always the easiest thing to do. But you’ll never know who you’re missing out on getting to know if you don’t try. Who knows? The person you’ve never chatted to in afternoon Biology might become your closest mate.

Confidence after a break up

People break up for all sorts of reasons. But when it happens, it can leave you thinking, ‘What’s wrong with me?’

You might start to question yourself, the way you look or whether you should've done something differently. But a break up doesn't define you, someone else will like you for who you are.

If you need a post-break up boost, you could:

Remind yourself of everything you like about yourself
Chat to your mates about what you're going through
Put yourself out there with new people

Why is my confidence so low?

Confidence is knocked by so many different things, like not doing as well as you’d like in an exam, or missing a goal. Or some people struggle with longer-term low confidence, maybe around how they look or if they feel they’re not good enough.

It can take time to build confidence, especially if you feel like you’ve had a lot of setbacks recently. With some patience, and some practice, things can start to change and your low confidence may start to improve.

Try the tips on this page - you could even keep track of them in the mood journal or share what works on the message boards. But if these feelings keep sticking around, or if you feel like they’re getting worse, always reach out to someone you feel you can chat to. And you can always contact a Childline counsellor.

How to build your confidence and self-esteem