Sex and consent

Understanding whether your partner consents can be confusing sometimes. But we’ve got advice to help:

• Use their body language
• Look at how your partner is behaving, ask yourself if they’re smiling, enjoying themselves, nodding or looking at you. If someone doesn’t look interested, is stressed, upset or is pulling away, then stop.
• Talk about it
• Ask questions, check how your partner is feelings and talk about what’s happening. Remember that even if someone says yes, they’ve got the right to change their mind.
• Accept how someone feels
• If someone says no, isn’t interested or doesn’t feel ready, stop and accept how they feel. Asking over and over or making someone feel bad for not consenting means that you’re pressuring them, which can be a form of abuse.
• Think about their state of mind
• Are they awake and sober? Someone who’s drunk, passed out or asleep cannot give consent.
• If you’re not sure, stop
• It’s your responsibility to know if your partner is consenting, not theirs. If someone continues to do anything sexual without consent, that can be considered to be rape or sexual assault.

It's illegal to have sex or do sexual things with without full consent from everyone involved.

It can be a crime to engage in sexual activity with someone if:

• they're not able to give or accept consent because they're drunk or they've taken drugs
• you're not sure whether someone is consenting
• they're worried about being hurt if they don't say yes
• you're in a position of trust or power over the other person.

The age of consent is 16. This means that it's illegal to have sex with anyone who's under 16 years old. This is the same no matter what your sexuality or gender is.

It's important to remember that the law is there to protect children and young people, not punish them. If you're both aged 13-15 and you’ve consented to doing things, it's still against the law. But it's less likely that legal action would be taken.

It’s never legal for someone to have any sexual contact with you if you’re under 13. If that’s happened, then we’re here to support you.

When someone over 16 is having sex with someone under 16, they're also breaking the law. They may be arrested even if everyone has consented.

If someone does something sexual with you and you’ve not agreed to it freely, then that’s sexual assault or rape.

Nobody has the right to do something sexual with another person without their consent. And it’s their responsibility to make sure know if you’re consenting. It’s not your responsibility to say no, and what’s happened isn’t your fault.

However you’re feeling, it can help to talk about it. And you can talk to Childline about anything.