Sexuality

What is sexuality?

Sexuality is about who you’re attracted to. Everyone is different, so only you will know what your sexuality is.

It's natural to be confused about your sexuality or need time to work out who you are. Some people know who they’re attracted to from a really young age. For other people, it’s not so simple and can take a while to work out.

Your sexuality includes who you’re sexually and romantically attracted to, but these aren’t always the same:

Sexual attraction
This is how physically attracted to someone you are, and whether you want to have sexual contact with someone
Romantic attraction
This includes whether you’d want to have a romantic or intimate relationship with someone

You might feel both romantic and sexual attraction to the same people or these might be different. People can also experience different amounts of attraction, for example an asexual/ace person might have little or no sexual attraction to other people.

However you’re feeling about your sexuality, you can talk to us.

What does LGBTQ+ stand for?

LGBTQ+ stands for lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer/questioning and more. Even though people refer to them together, gender identity isn’t the same as sexuality.

Find out more about different LGBTQ+ terms.

5 things to remember about your sexuality:

Sexuality isn’t a choice and is part of who you are
It takes different people different amounts of time to understand their sexuality
'Coming out' is different for everyone, but it can get easier as you start to tell more people
There are lots of different ways to describe sexuality
Sexuality can change over time

Want to talk about your sexuality?

Talk about how you're feeling with other young people anonymously on the message baords.

Questioning your sexuality

It's natural to be confused about your sexuality or to need time to work out who you are. It's okay not to be sure.

Some people know who they’re attracted to from a really young age. For other people it’s not so simple and can take a while to work out.

If you’re not sure about your sexuality, you might:

not be sure what it means if you ‘like’ someone
be scared about how other people will react
worry about what it means for your community or religion
want to come out and tell people
try to find a sexuality that ‘fits’ how you feel.

It might take some time to work out what your sexuality is. Remember there's no such thing as normal. And you don't have to feel pressured or rushed to give yourself a label.

However you’re feeling about your sexuality, we’re here to support you.

LGBTQ+ terms

Find out more about different sexualities and gender identities.

Watch: LGBTQ+ Stereotypes

Sex, relationships and dating

Relationships can be different to everyone, but the things that make up healthy relationships are the same no matter what your sexuality or gender identity is.

Being in a relationship before you’ve come out

It’s natural to want to have a relationship or to be attracted to people, even before you’ve come out. But having a relationship without anyone knowing can also leave you feeling isolated if anything goes wrong.

Not being out doesn’t mean that you have to keep a relationship secret. If you’re thinking about having a relationship, it can help to:

think about what you’re comfortable with in a relationship
find out more about what makes a healthy relationship
get ideas from other young people on our message boards
talk to our counsellors if anything makes you feel unsure or uncomfortable.

Coping with other people’s reactions

Everyone has right to feel accepted for who they are regardless of their sexuality or gender identity, that includes in relationships.

People can react in different ways to you having a relationship, even if you’ve come out before. It’s not okay for people to:

ask you questions about your relationship that make you feel uncomfortable
tell you that your relationship is wrong because of your sexuality
bully or abuse you because of your relationship.

If you’re worried about your relationship or you’re being treated badly, you can talk to us.

Safe sex

Even when there isn’t a risk of getting pregnant, contraception can help to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Anyone who’s sexually active can catch an STI, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. Using contraception can help to keep you safe.

If you’re thinking about becoming sexually active, it’s important to:

find out your options for contraception
talk to your partner about safe sex to make sure you’re both comfortable
ask for support if you’re not sure

You can also get specialist advice from the NHS if you identify as lesbian or gay.

Watch: Secret LGBT+ Relationships

Coming out

Coming out is when you tell someone else about your sexuality. It can help people to feel less isolated and more able to cope with their feelings. But it can also feel risky or unsafe. Read our tips on coming out.

You can come out any time you feel comfortable, even if you’re still questioning or unsure about your sexuality. LGBTQ+ people usually don’t come out just once but will come out lots of times to lots of different people.

Watch: Ben Hunte talks about coming out

Bullying and discrimination

If someone treats you unfairly or badly because of you identify as LGBTQ+ then that’s discrimination.

Being discriminated against or bullied can have a big effect on you. It can make you feel lonely, anxious or like you’re different. It’s never okay to be bullied or discriminated against and if it happens it’s not your fault.

Bullying can include:

calling you names or threatening to hurt you
leaving you out of things
asking you sexual questions
using offensive language about LGBTQ+ people
making jokes about you.

If you’re being bullied, we can help.

Read our advice on homophobic and transphobic bullying.

Homophobic and transphobic bullying

Bullying is always wrong. Find out how we can help.

Discrimination, hate crime and equality

Find out what it means and what you can do to protect yourself.