Helping a friend

Asking whether someone is okay helps to show you care and can help someone to open up. There are lots of different ways to start a conversation, and you can think about what feels best for you.

Decide whether it’s best to start the conversation in person or over message. Try picking a time when you’ll both have time to talk and won’t be disturbed.

Here are a few conversation starters:

• "You’ve seemed a bit down lately, want to talk?"
• "I just wanted to let you know I’m here for you if you need anything."
• "It looked like something happened today, are you alright?"
• "You’re a really good friend, and I’m always here to talk if you want to."

Listening to someone is a skill, it can show someone you care and help them feel better.

You might want to solve a situation right away, but trying to won’t always help. If someone is opening up to you, there a few simple things you can do to make sure you’re listening:

• Take away any distractions
  Focus on what your friend is saying and try to avoid changing the subject or interrupting them.
• Take them seriously
  Avoid downplaying or dismissing what someone is saying, remember what they’re feeling is valid.
• Ask gentle questions
  It can help to ask sensitive questions to check you’ve understood what they’ve said to you.
• Talk about what they want to happen
  You don’t need to fix what’s happened but asking whether someone knows what they want can help them to work out what they should do next.
• Let them know you care
  A friend opening up to you shows that they trust you, it can help a lot to let them know that you’re glad that they did and that you care about them.
• Keep in contact
  Checking in on a friend who’s going through a tough time can show that you still want to support them and that they’re not alone. It can help to keep planning fun things to do together as well.

Supporting someone can be tough sometimes. If you’re struggling with something you’ve been told, it’s always okay to talk to us.

Not everyone will want help with what to do next, and that’s okay. If someone does want help though there are a few things you can do.

There are lots of ways to get support with anything that’s happening. It can help to talk about what kind of support your friend wants, you could offer to help them to speak to someone as well.

There are lots of places you and your friend could get support:

• Speaking to a Childline counsellor
• Asking an adult you trust for help
• Talking to someone at school or college
• Visiting their GP

It can take time for someone to feel ready to get support, and that’s okay. Remember, if someone is immediately in danger or it’s an emergency then you should always call 999.

Lots of people need time before they can get support, but it can be hard when you’ve been asked to keep a secret.

It’s important to ask yourself whether anyone would be in danger if you kept things secret. If someone is being seriously hurt or their life is in danger, then keeping things secret isn’t the best thing to do.

If you’re not sure about whether you can keep things secret, then it’s important to tell your friend that. If you can, explain the reasons that you’re worried, and talk about who would be best to tell.

Remember, you can speak to Childline confidentially about anything that’s happening. You can find out more about our confidentiality promise here.

Supporting someone else can be hard sometimes. You might be worried about them, hear something you find upsetting, or not be sure what to do next. Your friend might also tell you things that you find triggering from your own experiences.

It’s okay to get support for yourself about what you’ve heard or get advice about what to do next.

Getting support isn’t the same as breaking someone’s confidence, but it can help to think about whether someone you talk to will tell anyone else. If you’re worried about other people finding out, think about adults you trust who could help, and remember that you can always talk to us.

You can support a friend online in lots of the same ways as someone you know in other ways, but you may not always know as much about someone online.

If you’re supporting a friend online, it can help to remember:

• You can’t be responsible for all of their support, it’s important to take breaks
• You can report bullying and harassment online
• There may be different local resources for them and you can help them research those
• You should never send money to someone online, if you’ve been asked to then speak to us or an adult you trust before doing anything

If someone online tells you something that makes it sound like they’re in danger or that their life is at risk, you should always speak to us or to an adult you trust. In an emergency, you can always call 999.

Anyone can have difficulties with their mental health. If someone you know is struggling, then there are lots of ways to be a good friend to them:

• Let them know you’re there
  Be there for them to talk to and let them know that their feelings and experiences are valid.
• Help them get support
  This could be by talking to us, an adult in their life, or the doctor. You could share resources for them or help them reach out to someone.
• Focus on being a friend
  You don’t need to have all of the answers and you don’t need to be someone’s counsellor, but you can help them by showing that you care and spending time with them.
• Be patient
  How someone feels and their mental health can change over time, but sometimes it can take a while for someone to find ways to cope or move on.

If you’re struggling with something you’re told, then you can always talk to us. Remember, if you’re concerned about someone’s safety or think that they’re in danger you should always call 999 or speak to an adult you trust.