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Getting through a tough time
When something bad happens, it can affect you in lots of ways. And sometimes it can take a while before you start to feel better. But no matter what's happened, we're here to help.
how you might feel
Lots of things can affect how you feel after a difficult or scary experience.
It could be something's happened to you, or someone close to you. Or it could have happened to a stranger on the street, at school or on TV. When something like this happens, you might feel:
- worried, scared or anxious
- angry or upset
- down or depressed
- alone, or that no one will understand
- guilty or ashamed
- numb or hopeless.
You might feel all sorts of things after something bad has happened. Everybody is different, but we’re here to support you.
3 facts about difficult experiences
- There's no right or wrong way to feel after something bad happens.
- Talking can really help. And if it doesn't help first time, keep trying.
- It may take time, but things can get better.
Grounding yourself and feeling calmer
When you're having difficult thoughts or memories it can sometimes feel like you're stuck in the past. Or you might feel like you can't stop thinking about the future. 
Grounding yourself means focusing on your body and what's happening right now instead of what's going on in your mind. It can help to bring you back to the present.
There are lots of ways to ground yourself. It can take some time and practice to find what works for you, but you can try these things anytime and anywhere.
Use your senses
Focusing on things you can touch, see, hear, taste and smell can help to remind you of where you are and help you to feel safe. Try grounding yourself by:
- touching something soft or hard, like a rock or toy. Or you could pop some bubble wrap
- looking at what's around you, try naming the colours of the objects you can see or counting the number of things you can see that are made of wood
- listening to a piece of music you enjoy or naming any noises you can hear outside
- tasting something bitter, like a lemon or focusing on sucking a mint.
Square breathing
Square breathing can help to calm you down and focus on things here and now by taking slow, deep breaths.
Sit down if you can with your back straight and relax your shoulders. You can repeat the 4 steps below as much as you need to.
- Breathe in and count to 4.
- Hold your breath to the count of 4.
- Breathe out all your breath to the count of 4.
- Hold your breath out to the count of 4.
You can count slowly or quickly, whatever feels comfortable.
Focus on what's around you
If you're struggling with your thoughts or feelings, it can help to focus on things around you. Try naming:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch or feel
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste.
Create a calming ritual
A ritual is something special you can do that makes you feel positive or safe. You can plan to do it at a specific time every day. Changing your rituals over time can help you find different and new ways to cope.
Your ritual could be anything, but some ideas might be:
- have a hot drink
- watch a YouTube video
- listen to some music
- complete a puzzle
- do something creative like write or draw
- practice a dance routine
- do some yoga
- have a bath
- look up jokes of things you find funny online.
Your ritual can be whatever you want.
Make a list of the things that could help you
There are lots of things that can help you to feel better, it could be people, animals, objects or things you like to do.
Make a list of the things that could help you to feel calmer, so if you start to get anxious or worried, you know what might help. Your list could include:
- people you trust
- pets
- toys or games you like
- videos or music.
What can I
try out
today?
talking about what's happened
It can take time but talking to someone you trust can help you to see things differently and think about ways to cope.
Talking to someone doesn't mean you have to open up if you're not ready. But spending time with people and doing things you enjoy can help take your mind off things and make you feel more connected to your life.
Over time, you might feel able to share what's happened at a time that feels comfortable and on your terms.
trauma
Everyone can feel in danger sometimes, like when you cross a busy road.
But when the danger feels overwhelming or like your life is in danger, this is trauma.
Lots of things can make us feel traumatised. It could be something that happened to you directly, like being abused or being in an accident. Or it could be something you saw happen to someone else.
A trauma could be a single event in your life, or something that's happened for a long time. Or it could be something you've seen happen to someone else, like domestic abuse.
How can you feel after a trauma?
Trauma affects people in different ways. And going through something difficult doesn't mean you'll always be affected after.
If you're experiencing trauma, you might:
- feel shaky or disorientated
- get anxious or having panic attacks
- have nightmares, flashbacks or night terrors
- struggle to get to sleep or sleep more than normal
- get distracted easily, or lose interest in things you used to enjoy.
Lots of the physical feelings you have are your body's way of letting out difficult feelings. For example, shaking can help you release tension and feel calmer.
You might want to avoid your feelings after a trauma, but it's important to get support.
Helping a friend with their mental health
It can be difficult to know what to say when a friend tells you they have a mental health issue. But talking about mental health doesn’t have to feel awkward. There are lots of ways you can support a friend and show you care.
Let them talk
Talking can really help. And having someone there to listen can help someone feel like they’re not alone.
Your friend might want to say a lot, or hardly anything. Listening to them at their pace can show that you care, and that you want to support them. But don’t push your friend to say things if they’re not ready.
Help them get support
There are lots of ways to get help with mental health. Your friend might find it easier to talk to someone they don’t know, or a professional.
Encourage them to speak to someone like:
- a doctor
- a Childline counsellor, who are here whenever they're ready to talk
- an adult they trust.
Perhaps you can ask them what you could do to help them feel more ready to talk.
Getting support for yourself
Remember it can take time for feelings to change, and you're not responsible for helping someone feel better. It's also important that you get support.
If helping your friend is difficult or upsetting, talk to a counsellor for support.
Remember, they’re still your friend
Lots of people worry about being seen differently because they’ve got a mental health issue. But no matter what’s happening, they’re still your friend.
Doing things that you both enjoy can help to take your friend’s mind off what’s happening.
Sometimes your friend might not be able to spend time with you because of their mental health. Remember that this doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be your friend.
get more support
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