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Guilt
If you’re feeling guilty and you don’t know what to do, we’ve got advice to help.
What is guilt?
Guilt is the feeling that people often have after saying or doing something they regret. It can lead to you feeling worried, unhappy, or even ashamed. Sometimes it can a small feeling, but there are times it can feel overwhelming.
Feeling guilty can be helpful sometimes, it can stop us doing things to hurt other people or make us think about our own behaviour. There can be times when people can make us feel guilty when we’ve not done anything wrong.
Whatever’s making you feel guilty it’s always okay to ask for help, and Childline’s here to help.
3 things you can do right now:
- Talk about what’s happened in a message to a Childline counsellor
- Say sorry if you’ve hurt or treated someone badly
- Do something positive for other people
What to do if you feel guilty
Guilt can sometimes pass in time, but there are things you can do to help feel better.
Share how you’re feeling
Talking about what’s happened and how you’re feeling can help you to get support with how you’re feeling and get other points of view about what’s happened.
Sometimes things can make you feel very guilty when it’s not actually your fault or you’ve not hurt anyone. Talking about what’s happened can help you to see how other people see what’s happened.
There can be lots of reasons you might be worried about talking to someone in your life about how you’re feeling. It can help to remember that Childline is a safe space to speak about anything at all. Childline is confidential, and you can find out more about what that means here.
Say sorry if you’ve done something wrong
Saying sorry for something that you’ve done wrong can be a big step to owning up to what’s happened and helping you and other people move on.
A sincere apology can help someone else deal with what’s happened, and give them a chance to say how they’re feeling. Saying sorry isn’t about justifying what you did, and it’s important to focus on apologising for what you’ve done without conditions.
You can’t always control how someone will react if you say sorry, and it can be good to think about someone you trust you could talk to afterwards if you need support.
What if someone doesn’t want to talk to me?
There may be times when you’ve done something to hurt or upset someone, but they don’t want to talk to you. It’s important to respect someone’s wishes and to give them space if they don’t want to talk to you.
Giving someone space may help them to feel ready to talk to you in the future, but not always. If you’re struggling to cope with your feelings without being able to talk to someone, then it can help to speak to us about it instead.
Think about the future
Feeling guilty can make it easy to focus on things that have happened in the past or that you can’t control. Focusing on the future and what you’d like to do differently can be a way to help move on from these feelings.
You could try:
- thinking about how you could behave differently next time
- making time to do things to support other people or help them
- learning a new skill or working on something to feel proud of.
Forgive yourself
Sometimes guilt can reach a point where there’s nothing else you can do to change things. When that happens, it can help to focus on being kind to yourself to help you let go of how you’re feeling.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean that you have to forget what’s happened, but accepting that you can’t change things and using it to learn for the future can help you to move on. Make time each day to do something you enjoy or that helps you to feel a sense of satisfaction.
If you’re struggling to let go of your feelings or find ways to cope, we’ve got lots of ideas in the Coping Kit and you can speak to a Childline counsellor about anything.
Getting over guilt
Being made to feel guilty
There can be lots of reasons someone might say or do things to leave you feeling guilty. Being helped to see how our behaviours affect other people can be good sometimes, but it’s important to think about whether it’s actually fair.
It’s not okay of someone to “guilt trip” you, or make you feel like you owe them. If someone is making you feel like you have to do something out of guilt, then it’s important to think about what’s best for you.
If someone’s making you feel guilty, there are a few things you can do that might help:
- Get a second opinion
It’s good to ask someone else what they think about what’s happened, especially if you’re being asked to do something or made to feel like you owe someone. Try talking to an adult you trust, or speak to us. - Think about what’s actually happened
Ask yourself whether what the other person is saying is true, whether you could have controlled what happened and whether it was a long time ago. It’s important to think about whether you’ve actually done anything wrong, or if it’s even your responsibility. - Listen and talk to the other person
Take time to hear what the other person has said. Ask about how it’s made them feel without arguing or getting defensive. - Share how you’re feeling
If it’s safe to, explain how you’re feeling about what they’re saying and anything that’s happened. What you want is always important, even if you’re feeling guilty.
If someone’s still trying to make you feel guilty when there’s nothing you can do or it’s not your fault, it’s important to get support.
Being pressured to do something sexual
It’s never okay for someone to pressure you into doing something sexual, including sending sexual images or videos of yourself.
If someone is making you feel guilty for not doing something, or leaving you feel like you owe them then it’s important to get support. You can speak to a counsellor at Childline about what’s happened any time.
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