Guilt

What is guilt?

Guilt is a complicated emotion. And it can be confusing. It's something we generally don't like to feel. You can feel guilty when you regret something you’ve done or said that you can’t take back. It might feel like your conscience is reminding you about what happened.

You may also feel guilty about small things, that aren't that bad, but you tell yourself they're really terrible. And sometimes other people might make you feel guilty – even though you haven’t done anything wrong.

Feeling guilty doesn’t always mean you’ve done something wrong though. There are lots of reasons we can feel this way. And there are always things you can do to make yourself feel better again.

Lots of things can make us feel guilty. It might be:

being mean to someone or bullying
being involved in something illegal
self-harming
drinking alcohol, smoking or taking drugs
fancying a friend's boyfriend or girlfriend
cheating in an exam or copying someone’s work.

Understanding your feelings

People experience guilt differently. It can feel like a bit like a shadow that follows you everywhere. Or a heavy weight in your body that won’t go away. Other times it can just be a little niggling feeling that makes you feel bad every now and again.

Your guilt might be trying to tell you something

Guilt can be useful if it's reminding us about something we need to face up to. It can encourage us to change the way we behave for the better. For example, if you feel bad because you haven’t been studying, it might motivate you to start so you don’t feel guilty anymore.

If you feel guilty about something specific, you could make a deal with yourself to do something about it. This could be a simple thing, like saying sorry to someone or finding ways to get help.

Sometimes you can feel guilty for taking care of yourself. It’s something we all need to do sometimes. If you are feeling guilty for putting yourself first, it can help to think about what makes you feel this way and who might be able to help.

Mood journal

Go to your locker to track your mood - it's a great way of seeing how things change for you.

Feelings and emotions

feeling
soooo
bad

Get support from other young people on our message boards

IT'S NOT ALWAYS YOUR FAULT

Feeling guilty doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes it can be difficult to work out if something really was your fault.

Other people can make you feel guilty about something that wasn't your fault.

When people around you are doing things they shouldn’t, they might blame you rather than taking responsibility for what they're doing.

Whatever you're going through you don’t have to cope on your own. We're here for you.

Getting through a tough time

If you’re struggling with something that’s happened, we’ve got some advice to help

WAYS TO FEEL BETTER

Try talking to someone

Talking can help you to make sense of how you’re feeling. It's a good way of deciding if you want to do anything about what's happened. It can also be a useful first step in working out if what has happened is really your fault or if someone is just making you feel like this.

Try talking to someone you trust or to other people on our message boards.

Get advice about asking an adult for help.

Write stuff down

If it feels too difficult to talk about how you’re feeling you could try writing it down. Make sure it’s somewhere safe where people won’t see it if you don’t want them to. List all the things you think you did or said that you’re feeling guilty about. For each of these things, write down what other emotions you were feeling at the time and what else was going through your mind.

Try to write down answers to these questions:

Do I still feel the same now?
Was anyone else involved?
Is there anything I want to do differently?

Once you’ve got all your thoughts and feelings out, you might find you start to feel different. When you feel ready to move on, you can choose what you want to do with what you have written. You could show it to someone, tear it up into a hundred pieces or lock it away in a safe place. It’s up to you.

Say sorry

Sometimes we need to apologise. You might feel like saying sorry to someone you’ve bullied or treated badly. Some people have spoken to us about feeling guilty after stealing or lying. You can’t always make things right, but it’s good to try. Saying sorry and explaining ourselves can help us move on.

And when things don’t work out the way you want to, it can help to think of ways to forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself

It’s the hardest thing to do when you feel really guilty but it is really important to try to not keep blaming yourself. If you keep beating yourself up for things that you can’t change or weren't really your fault, it can have a negative effect on your life and how you feel.

There comes a time when you need to stop blaming yourself and let it go. Everyone has done things that they regret or feel bad about.

Try talking to our counsellors for support if you're finding it hard to cope.

Bottling up emotions

Art box

Sometimes it helps to get your feelings down into words or art.

Get support

We're here for you on the phone or online. Or try getting support from other young people on our message boards.