Coping with anxiety

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is the feeling you get when you're worried or scared about something. We all feel anxious at times, and some anxiety can be helpful. It can keep you safe from danger. It can be a sign you really care about something, like if you'reanxious about an exam and decide you need to study hard for it.

But anxiety can be unhelpful, too. It might make you feel like things are worse than they actually are.It can feel overwhelming and make it hard for you keep perspective about your situation.

There are different feelings you might have when you're anxious. For example, you might:

feel your heart beating really fast
feel scared, worried or tense
feel fidgety or shaky
feel sick or get a funny feeling in your stomach
struggle to think about other things
have a panic attack.

Anxiety feels different for everyone, so you might feel something completely different. Plus, different things make different people feel anxious. It's also normal to have times when you feel more and less anxious.

If your anxiety is stopping you from being able to live your life or do things you normally enjoy,it's important to get support.

8 things that might make you feel anxious

Schoolwork and exams
Meeting new people
Having a messy room
Having too much caffiene
Speaking in front of others
Not getting enough sleep
Seeing upsetting things in the news
Big changes happening in your life

Ways to cope with anxiety

We all do different things when we want to feel better. When we find what works for us, life’s ups and downs can start to feel less bumpy. Whatever’s causing your anxiety, there are ways to cope:

Focus on your breathing and your body

When anxiety makes you tense, scared or panicked, it can start to feel overwhelming.

Avoiding things that make you anxious can actually make it harder to cope in the future, but if you’re getting anxious there are things you can do that can help. You could try:

Breathing slowly

Find somewhere comfortable to sit if you can, and place both feet on the ground. Slowly breathe in through your nose as you count to 5, then out through your mouth as you count to 5 again. Keep going, and try to let your muscles relax a little more each time you breathe out.

There are lots of ways to focus on your breathing, and it can take time to find the right one for you.

Exercising

Go for a short walk or a run, or even just do some star jumps. Moving your body and releasing some energy can help to calm you down when things are getting too much.

Focusing on things right now

Spend some time concentrating on things you can see, touch and feel to help you stay in the moment. Look around you and slowly try to find:

5 things you can see
4 things you can touch and feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you smell
1 thing you can taste

Remember, it can help to ask an adult you trust for help if you’re struggling to cope or the things you’re trying aren’t working.

Try to recognise negative thoughts

Changing how you think about yourself or a situation can help you see things differently. It can take time and practise to spot when your thoughts might be making you feel anxious, but there are small things you can try every day:

Avoid focusing on what you “should” do
Thinking things like, “I should be doing more homework” or “I should be better at this” can have a big impact on how you feel about yourself. Try to catch yourself when you’re thinking about what you should do, and come up with other ways of thinking about it. For example, you could think “I want to do more homework, but I’m already doing as much as I can”
Focus on the positive
It’s often easy to focus on the bad things you’ve done more than the good. Try to think of one or two things each day that you’re proud of or thankful for. You could write about them in the mood journal or collect them on bits of paper in a jar. Try to look back at what you’ve written after a few days.
Remind yourself that things can get better or change
When something goes wrong, it can feel like you’ll never get better or that you’ll always be anxious. Try to remind yourself of times that you haven’t been anxious, or make a list of things that might help you to feel more confident next time.

Give yourself time to worry

Setting time aside when you’re going to do nothing but worrying can help you to let go of your worries for the rest of the day. There are lots of ways to make time for worrying, but you could try:

Set 10-30 minutes aside each day to focus on your worries, this could be first thing in the morning or later in the evening.
When it’s time to focus on your worries, write them all down, big and small. Try to think of as many worries you have as possible.
Decide which worries are the biggest, and write down some ideas of small things you could do to help with it the next day. This could be telling someone about it, or doing something to help. For example, if you’re worried about the amount of homework to do, plan to do some of it tomorrow.
Take your ideas to help and choose one thing to try. Whatever happens, try to write about how it felt doing it.
Keep making time to focus on your worries every day. It might help to set a daily reminder until it becomes part of your routine.

If you start worrying at other times, you can write down a reminder of what’s bothering you so you can focus on it later. Sometimes it can help to keep anything you write down in a worry box. This is a box that you put all of your worries in, and that you only open when it’s time to worry.

Talk about things

Talking about your worries and anxiety can make a big difference to how you feel. It can help you to see things differently, feel less alone and make it easier to cope.

You could try talking to:

an adult you feel safe with
a friend you trust
other young people on the message boards
a Childline counsellor.

If you’re not sure how to start a conversation, we’ve got advice to help.

Keep a journal

Keeping a journal means that you’ll regularly write or record how you’re feeling and what’s been happening in your life. You could do it every day, or whenever you feel you want to.

Keeping a journal can help you to:

let your feelings out
see what you’ve written and think about things differently
learn more about what makes you anxious and what helps
think about new ways to cope or different things you could do.

You could keep a journal just for yourself, or show an adult you trust. You could also use Childline’s mood journal to track how you’re feeling.

Visit your doctor if you need to

It’s always okay to talk to your doctor if you’re worried about your anxiety. It can help if you’re struggling to cope or the things you’re trying aren’t helping.

When you visit your doctor, they’ll ask you about what’s been happening. Sometimes they might ask lots of questions, but this is only to help them find the best support for you.

DocReady can help you get ready to see the doctor if you’re worried, and you can build a checklist of all of your symptoms so you don’t forget anything.

If you’re worried about seeing the doctor but you want support, remember that you can always speak to a Childline counsellor.

Try our coping kit tool

When you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, it can be hard to know what to do. But distracting yourself or doing something positive can really help.

Even doing just one positive thing every day can help to improve your mood. Use our tool to help get some ideas and try out new things.

Balloon

Play our game and feel your worries float away.

Yoga for anxiety

breathe
in
breathe out

If you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, we've got calming activities to help.

Social anxiety

Someone with social anxiety or a social phobia will get really anxious in social situations. This could include going out with friends, to a party or having to meet new people.

Lots of people worry about social anxiety, but there are things you can do if you think you might have it:

Talk about it
Tell someone you about how you’re feeling. Talking about your feelings can help you to feel more in control, and means that people can know that you might need support sometimes.
Relax
When you feel yourself getting anxious, take time to breathe and focus on the moment. Take slow, deep breaths and remind yourself that your anxiety can’t hurt you.
Challenge your negative thoughts
It’s normal to worry about things when you’re feeling anxious, you might worry that everyone is looking at you, or that you’ve said something wrong. When you start to have negative thoughts, take time to be kind to yourself and think about what a good friend would say about you in that moment.
Visit the doctor
If your feelings are stopping you from being able to live your life, it’s important to get help. You can always talk to your doctor about what’s happening for support.

Overcoming social anxiety

Building confidence and self-esteem

Try boosting your confidence with our top tips.

Other types of anxiety disorders

Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

It’s natural to feel anxious sometimes, and for most people it can come and go. People with GAD are worried or anxious most of the time, and can get anxious over lots of different things. It can often make it hard to ever relax.

It’s not always easy to tell whether the anxiety you’re feeling is normal, or if it’s something to see the doctor about. But it’s important to get support if the way you’ve been feeling has been upsetting you or stopping you from living your life.

Find out more about GAD.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

OCD can affect people in lots of different ways, and can have a big impact on your life. Someone with OCD has:

Obsessive thoughts – Thoughts or images that keep coming up for you, making you feel bad or anxious
Compulsive behaviours – Things you feel like you have to do to stop yourself from feeling bad

For example, someone with OCD might be worried about leaving a door unlocked. Because they’re worried, they’ll lock and unlock their front door over and over again, even though they’re already running late.

If you’re worried about OCD, or it’s having an impact on your life then it’s important to get support. You can speak to your doctor, or visit YoungMinds to find out more about it.

Panic Disorder

People with a panic disorder experience repeated panic attacks, which are short periods of intense fear and anxiety. During a panic attack you might feel confused or disorientated, or find it hard to breathe. There might be things that can cause the panic attacks, but sometimes they can seem to happen for no reason.

Panic attacks can come on suddenly and can be overwhelming, but they can also pass quickly. If you’re struggling with panic attacks, it’s important to talk to a doctor for support.

Find out more about panic attacks and why they happen.

Phobias

A phobia is an overwhelming fear of a particular thing or situation that won’t actually hurt you. There are lots of types of phobia, but some common ones are:

spiders (arachnophobia)
heights (acrophobia)
crowds or places where escape is difficult (agoraphobia)
closed or crowded spaces and not being able to escape (claustrophobia)
injections (trypanaphobia).

If your phobia is starting to make you avoid situations or stopping you enjoying life then it’s important to get help. You can find out more about coping with phobias on the NHS website or by visiting your doctor.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

It's normal to have experiences that are difficult to cope with. But when someone feels like their life is in danger, or if they’ve experienced distressing or other frightening situations such as abuse, neglect or assault, this can be traumatic and make it hard to cope in the future.

PTSD can happen from a single traumatic event, such as an accident or assault, or it can happen from experiencing distressing or frightening situations repeatedly, such as abuse or neglect.

Not everyone who has experienced trauma will get PTSD. And you might struggle to cope but not have it. PTSD can make someone:

have flashbacks, problems sleeping and nightmares
become depressed
struggle to cope or experience other mental health issues.

There are ways to cope and get help when you’ve experienced trauma. If you think you might have PTSD, it's important to visit a doctor for support.

Find out more about PTSD and flashbacks.