Young parents

Being a new parent

No matter how old or young they are, most parents find it hard to cope when they have a baby. When you’re a new mother or father, you might be worried about:

feeling judged or people making comments
arguing with your family or carers
doing the best for your child
proving that you can do everything or that you don’t know enough
not getting enough rest
keeping up with schoolwork and what to do in the future
how you look and whether your body will change
outside agencies, such as health visitors, or other people/family getting involved.

5 tips for new parents

Talk to your health visitor about free baby groups.
Try not to put pressure on yourself to know everything right away.
Ask for help when you need it.
Take time to rest when your baby is resting.
Talk about how you’re feeling with our counsellors.

Whatever you’re worried about, you don’t need to cope alone. We’ve got advice to help and you can speak to a Childline counsellor about anything that’s on your mind.

Going back to school

Going back to school can seem scary when you’ve had a baby. But you’ve got a right to get an education, and your school should be there to support you:

Starting back at school

It can take time to get used to being back to school.

Your teachers and support workers should always be there to help make things easier. Talking about what your timetable will be and who’s there to support you can help you feel more confident.

Making a list of all of your questions and worries before any meetings with the school or your support workers can really help. It can stop you from forgetting anything and shows that you’ve been thinking about what’s best for you.

Childcare and financial support

What support you can get depends a lot on how old you are and who you live with.

You or your carers may be able to get support to make going back into education easier.

Your school or support worker can help you to find what you’re entitled to, but you can also use this this tool to get more information.

Keeping up with schoolwork

It can be tough trying to balance school work and having a baby; especially if you’re worried about exams or you’re already tired.

It’s important to give yourself time to rest when you can.

If you’re worried about keeping up with work, there are things that can help.

Set realistic goals. Don’t try to do everything at once. Try just doing one piece of work or setting a time limit on how long you’ll spend working
Take breaks. Take time to rest when your baby is resting, especially if your baby isn’t sleeping a lot
Be honest. Talk to your teachers or support workers about what’s happening. Sometimes it can help to make a list of things that are going well with school and things that you’re struggling with.

Coping with comments

It’s never okay for people to make negative comments about being a young mum.

Whether it’s online or in person, nobody has the right to make you feel bad like that.

If someone from your school makes comments or bullies you, it’s important to tell a member of staff you trust.

This isn’t always easy to do, and sometimes it can help to tell someone with a letter.

All schools should have an anti-bullying policy to help keep you safe from bullying, but sometimes they can only support you if they know what’s happening. Find out more about bullying.

There are lots of different ways to respond when someone makes a negative comment, and it’s important to find what’s right for you.

One way to cope is by ‘fogging’. This is when you agree with whatever’s said in a really calm voice.

Fogging can take practice, and you might not feel able to do it all the time, but it can help show that you’re not affected, for example:

Other person: You shouldn’t be having kids at your age.

You: Yeah... OK, you might be right.

Other person: You see, you’re right you’ve been stupid!

You: Maybe... you might think so.

Other person: Whatever...

Fogging can help you to cope but it isn’t always right way to respond. Remember that if someone is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe it’s important to get support from someone you trust.

However you’re feeling about comments, you’re not alone. You can speak to a Childline counsellor any time.

Keeping in touch with friends

Talking to your friends and spending time with them can be an important way to feel less isolated or alone. But that’s not always easy when you’ve got a baby.

It might feel like you’ve not got time to see your friends, or that they’re doing things without you.

Some young people feel like their friends don’t understand what they’re going through, or that they’re not interested in what’s happening.

Your friends might be worried that you haven’t got time for them, or whether or not to contact you.

However you’re feeling, there are things you can do.

Tell your friends how you feel

Telling your friends that you feel left out or that you want to see them more can help them to understand what things are like for you.

Sometimes your friends might not realise that you still want to spend time with them when you haven’t got as much time as you used to.

Think about baby-friendly things you could do together

Going to the park or somewhere small can make it easier to see your friends when you need to look after your baby.

Go to parent and baby groups

Going to parent and baby groups are a great way to meet other parents. Some groups cost money to join, but there are lots of free groups as well.

If you’re struggling to find any close to you it can help to ask your health visitor.

Get support

Not being able to talk to your friends doesn’t mean you’re alone.

Talking to your health visitor can help you to think about ways to feel less isolated. If you can’t talk to them you can always talk to Childline.

Try our letter template

Use our letter template to help you work out what you want to say to a friend. Print it out or save it to your phone. You can edit it as much as you need to!

Friends, relationships and sex

Read our advice to help you if you’re having problems with relationships.

don’t know
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Contact us to speak about anything

Can I ask for help?

Lots of young people who talk to Childline worry about asking for help. You might be worried about being seen as a bad parent, or like you can’t cope.

Every parent, no matter how old they are has times where they struggle to look after their baby. Taking care of a baby doesn’t have to be something you do completely alone. And asking for help doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.

Asking for help can take a lot of courage, but it can really help. Find out more about where you can get support.

Remember, it’s okay to ask for help about anything, including:

feeling depressed or like you can’t cope
practical support about where to live or struggling to afford things
breastfeeding, bottle feeding or tips on caring for your baby
coping with crying or teething
difficulties with your family or partner
if you’re worried about your baby’s safety at home
any health worries, big or small.

If you’re not sure where to go, you can always ask your health visitor. And if you can’t speak to them, you can talk to Childline.

It’s very common for mothers to start feeling depressed after having a child. Being depressed doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong, and it can help to get support.

You can visit your doctor any time to talk about it. Find out more about post-natal depression.

Why do I have a health visitor?

Every family will have a health visitor who’ll come to see them between the 10th and 14th day after you’ve given birth. If you’re struggling with anything, your health visitor is there to help.

Your health visitor will usually visit you regularly to weigh your baby and see how you’re feeling. But you can contact them any time.

If you’re ever not sure where to go for support, your health visitor can give you advice on where to go or what to do.

Relationships

Relationships can feel complicated after you’ve had a baby.

You might be worried about your relationship with the mother or father of your child, be in a relationship with someone else or be single. Or you might be worried about your relationship with your baby.

No matter what your relationship status is, it’s important to remember that your needs matter and there’s support available.

Your partner isn't helping

Looking after a baby is a lot of work, and if your partner isn’t helping it can make it even more difficult.

Sometimes your partner might not realise that they should be helping and they might believe that they don’t have to. But looking after a baby isn’t just one parent’s job.

Making sure you both feel confident looking after the baby takes time, but there are things you can do.

Tell your partner that you want more help looking after the baby.
Write a list of different tasks with your partner so you can agree what you’ll each do.
Agree to take turns doing things like changing nappies.
Set time each week for each of you to have a break and not be ‘in charge.’
If your partner doesn’t feel confident doing something, help them practice.

It might also be scary letting your partner take control, especially if you’re better at different things.

Remember that as long as it’s safe to let your partner look after your baby, it’s okay if they’re not perfect at doing everything yet.

Feeling close to your baby

It can take time for mothers and fathers to feel like they’ve bonded with their baby. Some people feel like they bond very quickly, others take longer. And lots of parents worry about whether they’ve bonded enough.

If you’re worried about how close you are with your baby, there are things you can try.

Make eye contact with your baby when you’re feeding them.
Spend time with your baby without distractions like your phone or the TV.
Speak to your baby. If you’re not sure what to say you could try describing what you’re doing.
Set time every day when you and your baby can spend quality time together.
Get ideas from your health visitor about things you can do together.

If you’re not allowed to see your baby or you’ve only got limited access it can be really tough. You might be worried about missing out on what’s happening or losing your bond.

Whatever’s happening, you deserve support to help you cope. Talking to someone you trust or a Childline counsellor can really help.

Not feeling safe in your relationship

Whether you have a baby or not, you have the right to always feel safe in your relationship. If you don’t feel safe with your partner, it’s important to leave the relationship.

Leaving can be scary and can sometimes feel impossible. But you don’t have to do it alone.

An adult you trust or your health visitor can help you to think about your options. It can help to plan a time when you can talk to them privately.

If your health visitor is worried about your safety, they’ll need to support you to make sure you and your baby is safe.

If you’re ever worried about your immediate safety, you should always call the police on 999.

Read our advice on what to do if you feel unsafe in a relationship.

Message boards

Share your thoughts and ask advice from other young people on our message boards.

Being a single parent

Whether you’re with your family, a carer or on your own, being a single parent doesn’t mean that you have to cope alone.

If your family or carers are there to support you, it can help a lot to let them support you and talk about how they can help without taking over.

Even if you don’t have your family with you there are ways to cope. Take a look at some resources for single parents:

Gingerbread Support for single parents
NHS Advice for single parents.

Whether the baby’s other parent is involved can depend on lots of things.

It can be better for children to see both parents regularly if it’s safe to, but it can take time for both of you to feel comfortable with anything you arrange.

Try talking to an adult you trust about what you want to happen, and how they could support you to speak to the other parent. If you’re not sure who to talk to, you can always speak to Childline.

Help I'm Pregnant

Olga Rose talks about getting pregnant and having a baby at 15.