Having family in the military

Moving to new places can feel exciting, but it can also feel scary sometimes. You might be worried about meeting new people or figuring out where you can go for support, especially if you’re not sure when you’ll move again.

If you are moving around, there are small things you can do to make it easier:

• Get help making friends
  Lots of military communities will have youth groups and clubs to help you meet new people. You can also speak to local services, like the Army Welfare Service. If you have family in the RAF then you can join Airplay, and if you have family in the Navy then you can get support here. We’ve got tips that can help make things easier as well.
• Make a memory box
  A memory box can be a great way to keep reminders of the people and things you’ve left. You could include photos, souvenirs, or anything that helps you remember where you’ve been. It can help to include notes of things you’ve enjoyed or learnt while you were there.
• Ask questions
  It’s always okay to ask questions when you’re not sure what to do or what’s happening. If you’re going somewhere new, it can help to make a list of the people, places and organisations that are there to support you so you know where you can go.
• Talk about how you’re feeling
  You don’t have to cope alone. Telling someone how you’re feeling can help you to feel better, and lets people know when you might need support. If you’re in the UK you can talk to us any time, or you can speak to your family or teachers about where you can go.

Getting help if you’re not in the UK

Kooth is similar to Childline and has been working with the Armed Forces to offer support to children and young people with family on military postings.

If you’re overseas or you’ve got a Serving parent, Kooth can support you. They’re there for anyone aged 11-18.

Get support from Kooth.

Having family deployed or away for long periods of time can have a big impact on how you’re feeling. It’s natural to miss people you care about, you might be worried, upset or even angry at them not being around.

Whether it’s because you don’t feel as close to someone, because they’ve missed things in your life or because of anything else, you’re not alone. Lots of military families experience these feelings.

There’s no single way to cope when someone in your family is away, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling.

Keeping in contact

It can help to find out whether it’s possible to keep in contact with someone, and how often. Sometimes a deployment can stop you being able to speak, but it can help to plan for times that you can talk. This could be through Facetime, calls or messages.

If you’ve got something important or special to share, it can help to tell people at home that you want to.

When you’re not able to talk

Even when you’re not able to talk to someone directly, there are still ways to feel connected. It can help to send letters and photos with updates whenever you can. You could also try keeping a journal of what’s been happening to show them when you’re back. 

Share how you’re feeling

Talking about what it’s like having someone away can help you to realise you’re not alone. If you’re in the UK then you can talk to us or post anonymously on the message boards about what’s happening. It can also help to share how you’re feeling with people at home.

If you’re overseas, there are still ways to get support. Kooth has been working with the Armed Forces to offer support anyone aged 11-18 with family on military postings, and you can speak to them about anything that’s worrying you.

Worrying about someone coming home

If you’re worried or scared about what it’ll be like when someone comes home, it’s important to talk about it, especially if you’re not feeling safe. It can help to speak to an adult you trust like your teachers or youth workers in your community about what’s making you worried.

When you’re in a military family, it may be that you’re supporting your family while a family member is being deployed, or it might be that you’re always being relied on to help.

If you’re looking after a family member or you’re helping to look after them, that means you’re a young carer. You might help to look after an adult in the family, or your siblings. Being a young carer can mean helping someone when they:

• have an illness, disability, or mental health condition
• need extra support because of their age
• have difficulties relating to drugs and alcohol
• need help communicating or talking to others, for example signing or translating for health appointments
• have additional needs or learning differences.

You can talk to us about anything that’s happening, and we’ve got lots of information and advice about being a young carer. You can also find out about local services and support from The Children’s Society.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel when someone dies, but you should never have to cope alone.

Death can affect everyone differently, you might feel:

• angry, numb, or confused
• worried about the future, yourself, or your family
• unsure whether things will change
• isolated, or like there’s nobody who understands.

Whatever you’re feeling, there is support. You can talk to us about anything, and we’ve got a lot of advice on how to cope when someone dies.