Coping with loss and grief

It can feel hard to share how you’re feeling sometimes. You might be worried about upsetting other people, or how they might react.

Talking is an important way to get support though, and sharing your thoughts and feelings can help you to feel better, think about things differently, and find new ways to cope.

It can help to remember that you can share what you feel comfortable, and it’s up to you when and who you talk to. It can help to think about someone you trust you want to speak to, or to try talking to a Childline counsellor first.

If you’re struggling to talk, we’ve got lots of advice to help .

A memory box is a space to keep all different things that remind you of who you lost. Everybody is different, so your box doesn’t need to be the same as anybody else’s. You might like to use it to store:

• photos
• letters or messages
• clothes, or things that belonged to them
• USB or external drives with pictures and videos
• anything else that reminds you of them.

Making the box can help you to sort through the different things that belonged to who you lost and help remind you of all the memories you had with them. It also means you’ve got something you can open any time you want to look back on memories of them.

A memory box doesn’t have to be a box. You could use a jar, drawer, or anything you want to. It’s important to make sure it’s something that’s safe, and won’t be lost or moved by mistake.

Making a memory box before someone has gone

Knowing that someone is leaving or is going to die can be hard to cope with. If you and the other person feels ready, creating a memory box together can help make sure you’ve got something after they’ve gone. It also means that the other person can help add things they’d like to be in it.

Writing down how you’re feeling can help you to express yourself, especially when you’re not feeling ready to talk or you’re not able to speak to anyone.

You don’t need to write anything specific, you could put down what’s been happening, your thoughts and feelings, or anything else you want to. Some people will write letters to people they’ve lost, to help them get out things they’d like to say.

If you’re worried about others seeing what you write, you can create a Childline account to keep a confidential mood journal and write about how you’re feeling.

Memory stones are a small way to help remember all of the different parts of someone you’ve lost.

To start, speak to an adult you trust about helping you to find three small stones:

• a smooth stone
• a rough stone
• a gemstone

When you have all 3, follow these steps:

1. Smooth stone: Hold the stone in your hand and think about the ordinary memories of someone you've lost, like their favourite food or drink, or what kind of shoes they wore.
2. Rough stone: Hold the stone in your hand and think about some of your difficult memories, like what happened when you first found out someone died. 
3. Gemstone: Hold the stone in your hand and think about your special memories of someone you've lost, like TV you used to watch together or holidays you went on.

Keep all the stones together somewhere safe. When you feel ready you could show the stones to an adult you trust to share the different memories.

Talking about what each of the stones represent can help you feel able to hold the stones in one hand together. It can remind you that even with the difficult memories you can still have the ordinary and special memories too.

It can take time to find the words and to begin to understand what has happened. But Childline is here to talk to you any time.

The anniversary of when you lost someone, their birthday, or other holidays like Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can bring up lots difficult feelings. They can also affect you in ways you might not expect.

If you’ve got an anniversary or significant date coming up, it can help to think about what you’d like to do on that day. It might be that you want to plan something specific to do or think about different ways you could cope. It can help to speak to an adult you trust about how you’re feeling, and they can help you to plan different things as well.

You don’t need to cope alone. Talking and getting support can help make things easier, even when you feel like you could manage by yourself. It’s okay to ask for support with things like:

• coping with how you feel,
• help with changes, or understanding what's happening,
• support with your mental health,
• practical things, like help at home, or needing support with school.

You could speak to a friend, an adult you trust or someone in your family for help. You can also visit your doctor if you’re struggling to cope. Asking for support can help people to realise you need help, as it’s not always obvious.

If you’re not sure where to go, you can always speak to us.

Grief can feel overwhelming, but it can sometimes feel scary to think about moving on. It can take a long time, but things can start to feel differently in the future. There’s no pressure to change how you feel, and it’s important to do things at your own pace.