Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi Sam, I need some help. It doesnt necessarily apply at the moment, but lately I have been really depressed. I'm a demigirl and I'm just fed up of people calling me a girl. It was just one of those things at first but it feels horrible now. The school seems to be forced into gender binary roles. There is boy school uniform, and girl school uniform. There are boy P. E. classes and girl P. E. classes. My drama teacher also splits us into boys and girls for games. I'm just so sad by this. No one uses my correct pronouns, everyone calls me a girl and I don't know what to do.

I was thinking of coming out in June. This is because it is pride month then, and me and my friend are big on national days. I was thinking of wearing a couple of pin badges on my blazer. As anyone can see them but they are subtle.

Though I worry that if I come out then people won't be nice to me. I don't think that there are many homophobic people in my class but there is a boy in the year below me who likes to tease people and if he finds out then I am practically dead

People have bullied me in the past because I "snitched" I just don't know what to do now.



Ask Sam


Hi there,

Your sexual and gender identity is a part of who you are and you can decide what pronouns you want to use. Telling people the pronouns you use doesn’t mean you need to explain your sexuality or gender identity and you shouldn’t be pressured to say more than you feel comfortable sharing.

It’s your decision when to come out and who you want to tell. You can choose to not come out if that feels like the right thing for you at the moment. If you do decide to tell others about your sexuality or gender identity then it’s important to think about who you’d tell and the best time to tell them. You should also think about your safety when you do.

When you tell someone about your sexuality or gender identity you can’t control how they might react or who they tell. You can ask them to respect the fact you’re not ready for everyone to know yet so you want them to keep it private for now, but there’s no guarantee that they’ll do that.

If you decide to come out you could start by telling the people who you think are more likely to be supportive and accepting. Taking small steps like wearing a pride pin, if its allowed with your uniform, can also be a good way to start expressing who you are. Wearing a pride pin can also be a way of saying that you’re accepting of everyone’s identity and doesn’t need to refer to your own.

Homophobia is wrong, no one has the right to judge you, tease you or treat you differently because of your sexuality or gender identity. If you experience discrimination or homophobia it’s important to get support. You could talk to our counsellors or report at school. Teasing is also a type of bullying and your school should take action to get bullying and discrimination stopped.

Your school should support you with anything you’re finding difficult and you could ask how best to express yourself and be who you are whilst still staying within the rules. So it could be worth asking about things that are important to you and you can make suggestions about what you’d like to change.

Thank you for writing to me and I hope my advice has helped. Remember you can talk to our counsellors and maybe you could have a look at what other young people who have similar experiences are saying on our message boards. If you’re feeling depressed or worried it’s a good idea to talk to an adult who can help like a parent, teacher or your doctor.

Take care,


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