Domestic abuse

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is when someone threatens, bullies, or hurts someone in their family or their relationship. Sometimes it’s called domestic violence, but someone doesn’t need to physically hurt you to be abusive.

Abuse has happened in lots of families, and anyone can go through it. It might not always be obvious, and if someone is using bullying or violence to get what they want, that’s domestic abuse.

It can include:

Physical violence
Like hitting, kicking, punching, pushing, hair-pulling. Someone may also throw or break things.
Threats
This includes threatening to hurt you, another person in your family, or a pet. Or threatening to stop money for food or bills.
Sexual violence
Making another person do something sexual when they don't want to, making someone watch something sexual, or sending or receiving sexual images, videos or messages.
Controlling someone's finances
This includes not allowing somebody to spend their own money. Or not giving them money for basic things such as food, nappies for babies, or clothes.
Controlling someone's life
This could include stopping someone from going to work or school, controlling what you wear, or stopping you from seeing or speaking to people in your life.
Cultural or 'honour' violence
This includes being hurt or abused as a punishment for something that's not seen as culturally acceptable by your community or family, or being forced to avoid or stop seeing people outside of your culture. It can include being forced to marry someone.

You can be affected by abuse even when it’s not directed at you, and it’s always okay to get support. Whatever’s happening at home or in your relationship, you’re not alone. You can always talk to us.

Domestic abuse and the law

The law around domestic abuse is a little different depending on which part of the UK you’re in.

England, Northern Ireland, and Wales

If your parent or carer is experiencing domestic abuse, then the law is there to support you and your family. These laws also apply if you’re 16 or over and you’re experiencing domestic abuse in your own relationship.

Abuse doesn’t need to involve violence for it to be considered domestic abuse.

Support might include:

Limiting or stopping someone from being allowed to contact their partner
Giving you safe places to stay or live
Stopping someone from harassing or threatening another person
Making sure you can live at home safely
Getting legal aid to help with costs
Charging or arresting someone who has hurt someone else

If you’re under 16, it’s still against the law for someone to be absive towards you within your relationship, and the kind of support you’ll be given will be slightly different.

Whatever’s happening, it’s important to get support. If you’re worried about who to speak to, you can contact us any time.

Scotland

The law is there to protect anyone who has experienced domestic abuse, this could include your parents, carers, or yourself if you’re over 16. Abuse doesn’t need to involve violence for it to be considered domestic abuse.

When you’re under 16, it’s still against the law for anyone to hurt or abuse you, and the kind of support you’ll be given will be slightly different.

Support might include:

Stopping someone from contacting or harassing their partner
Charging or arresting someone who has hurt someone else
Getting help to find somewhere safe to live

If you’re worried about anything that’s happening or you want support, it’s important to speak to an adult you feel safe with, you can also contact us any time.

Things to remember:

nobody should have to experience domestic abuse
if it’s happening, it’s not your fault
domestic abuse doesn’t always involve physical violence – it can also include bullying and threats
you can always speak to a counsellor about what's going on
if you’re in danger call 999.

Healthy and unhealthy relationships

If you’re worried or confused about your relationship then we've got advice and information to help.

Coping with domestic abuse

Nobody has the right to hurt or abuse other people. If you’re feeling unsafe or worried, there are things you can do:

Talk about it

You can call a Childline counsellor any time for free on 0800 1111 or speak to a counsellor online using 1-2-1 chats.

Telling someone you trust what’s happening can help you to get support and find ways to cope. It can also help you to make sense of what’s happening.

You could talk to:

someone in your family who isn’t involved
a teacher or an adult who you trust
your GP

It can feel scary talking about what’s happening, and you don’t need to say everything if you’re not ready to. We’ve got lots of advice on asking an adult for help.

In an emergency, you should always call 999.

Make a safety plan

A safety plan can help you know what to do if you feel unsafe at home. It can help to make one if you’re worried about being hurt or if you think something might go wrong. A safety plan includes all of the information you’ll need in an emergency.

It’s important to talk to someone you trust or to Childline when you’re making a safety plan.

Your plan could include:

who to call, this could be an adult you trust, Childline or the police
safe places you can stay if you have to leave home, and a plan of how to get there if you need to travel
what to do if you’re at home and someone is making you feel unsafe
things you’ll need in an emergency, like medication or a phone charger
what to do if you’re caring for someone else.

Keep your plan somewhere safe, or save it on your phone if you can.

Use our template to start your safety plan.

What to do if you leave home

If something happens and you need to leave home, it’s important to think about your safety first.

Think about:

Places you can go, like a friend’s house or a safe adult
Things to take with you, like clothes, money, medication, a bus or train pass, and a phone charger
Where to get support, remember that you can always call the police or go to your local police station

Get support

We're here for you on the phone or online. Or try getting support from other young people on our message boards.

Taking care of yourself

Domestic abuse can feel upsetting and frightening. No matter what’s happening, it can have a big effect on you.

You should never have to cope alone, and we’re here to support you. It can help to:

Talk about it
You could speak to a friend, an adult you trust or to us about how you’re feeling.
Express yourself
We’ve got lots of ideas for creative ways to cope, it can also help to express yourself in a journal.
Make time for you
Make time each day to do things you enjoy, that give you a sense or achievement or helps you to connect to people in your life.
Take care of yourself
Make sure that you’re eating healthily, keeping active and getting enough sleep. Remember that you can always speak to your GP if you’re struggling.

Domestic Abuse: Jahméne Douglas' story

When Jahmene was growing up, his father was physically and emotionally abusive towards him and his mother.

Watch now

Helping someone else

Anyone can go through abuse. If you’re worried about someone or they’ve told you something concerning, then it’s always okay to get help.

There are lots of ways you can support someone:

tell why you’re worried and that you’re there for them when they’re ready to talk
share information about Childline
help them speak to someone they trust, like a teacher
get advice from the message boards or a Childline counsellor
help them make a safety plan, and in an emergency call 999

Why don’t they leave?

Abuse often gets worse over time. By the time somebody decides they no longer want to be in a relationship, it can be very difficult to get out. They might stay because they:

are too scared to leave
don't have money or anywhere else to go
worry about taking their children out of school and moving them
no longer have the strength to leave
hope that the abuse will stop.

Whatever the reason, someone always deserves support.