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To Sam

Dad is cheating

Hello, hopefully you widen my eyes to a better conclusion. But my problem is I believe my dad is cheating, this is because I have evidence of messages between them. These consist of emotional messages going back and forth, ending with "my sweetheart". The woman has sent provocative photos of her breast. From what I've seen my father hasn't sent anything YET but who knows. I am furious and I can barely stay in a room with him let alone speak with him because I know my mum doesn't deserve this. I don't even remember the last time they said I love you or they even hugged. I feel like I am going to do something very stupid which will either shatter my whole family or get me arrested. Ive even started to come home at 9pm because I just can't stand the sight of him. Can you please tell me what to do, shall I tell him in front of my mum or alone. I REALLY do not want to get my mum involved. So shall I do something else or what. I am really confused and thank you for taking your time to read and answer me.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

It's complicated when you become involved in someone else's relationship, especially when they’re your parents. You aren't responsible for how your mum and dad act and no matter what you know, it's okay to not get involved if you don't want to. If someone is cheating in their relationship it can change the way you feel about them - even more so when the person they are being unfaithful to is someone you care about.

For many people, being in a committed relationship can mean agreeing not to date be romantic or have sex with anyone else. Sometimes people might agree that this is okay but this would be before they cheat. No relationship’s perfect but generally both people stick to the agreements they've made. When someone breaks that agreement, it can hurt their partner and people close to them.

You may never have expected your dad to do something like this and it can be hurtful for you as well as your mum. It also puts you in a very difficult position about what to do next. There isn't an answer I can give you about whether you should confront your dad or not, but I can help you in making that decision.

When deciding what to do next, the first thing to do is to list all your options. You could confront your dad but not tell your mum, tell your mum but not confront dad, do both or neither. You could also tell someone who isn't your mum or dad, and see what they think. Once you have the options you think are realistic, make a list of pros and cons and think about how that would feel if you did it - and how it would feel if you didn't. Writing everything out this way can help you to make a decision.

Another way to decide if you want to confront someone, is to write them a letter first. You don't have to send this letter but It might be a good way of finding out what you really want to say to someone.

I hope this advice has helped, if you need to talk more our counsellors are there for you.

Thanks for your letter.

Take care,

Sam

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