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Neglect
You have the right to be looked after properly. If you’re not getting the things you need at home, then this could be neglect. Whatever’s happening, it’s not your fault and there are ways to get support.
What is neglect?
Neglect is when someone isn’t giving you the things you need. This isn’t the same as giving you what you want all the time, but can mean you might not have:
- clothes that are clean and warm and shoes that fit and keep you dry
- enough to eat and drink
- protection from dangerous situations
- somewhere warm, dry and comfortable to sleep
- help when you're ill or you've been hurt
- love and care from your parents or carers
- support with your education
- access and help with medication if needed.
You also shouldn't have to spend a lot of time looking after other people in your family without getting any support from an adult.
If you have a disability you should also be supported in whatever extra ways you need
5 things about neglect:
- every child and young person has the right to have their basic needs met
- there are lots of ways to get support if your family is struggling with money or housing
- being neglected is never your fault
- even if you’re a young carer, you deserve to be looked after
- Childline can support you with anything that’s happening.
Am I being neglected?
Everyone deserves to feel safe, cared for, and to have their basic needs met. Being taken care of means that someone is giving you what you need physically and emotionally, as well as making sure you’re getting an education and access to things like the doctor when you need it.
If you’re struggling with things at home or think you’re being neglected, then it’s important to get support.
Getting support with neglect
You shouldn’t have to cope with neglect alone. If you’re worried about your needs, there are ways to get help:
Who you can talk to
It can help to speak to an adult you trust. You could speak to:
- a teacher or someone at school
- a counsellor, doctor, or nurse
- adults in your family who you trust
- people who support in groups or clubs you go to.
Some adults will need help to get support from other services if you need it, like social services. If you’re worried, it can help to ask what someone might do or say if they did think you were in danger.
Sometimes people might notice changes in you, remember it’s okay to be honest if someone asks you about what’s happening.
Not sure who to speak to? You can always get support from Childline.
How to tell someone
There’s no right or wrong way to speak to someone about what’s happening. It can be good to think about:
- what you’d most want to say
- what you’d like to happen next
- the best time to speak, when you won’t be disturbed
- anyone who might be able to support you to talk about it.
If you’re struggling with starting a conversation, it can help to write things down to share as a letter or note.
What to do if you feel unsafe
If you’re feel unsafe or you’re worried about someone getting hurt then it’s important to get support. You can talk to someone you trust or get help from Childline about anything that’s happening. In an emergency, you should always call 999.
Making a safety plan can help you know what to do if you’re feeling unsafe. It includes where to go, what to do, and anyone you can talk to. Get advice on how to make a safety plan.
Being left home alone
You shouldn’t be left home alone if you don’t feel safe or comfortable there. You should feel like:
- you’re old enough
- you’ve got enough food and things you need
- you know what to do and who to contact in an emergency
- you know when someone will get home.
If you’re left to look after younger people at home before you’re ready or you’re not sure about being left at home, then it’s okay to say.
You can talk to an adult you trust or to Childline any time.
How neglect can feel
Being neglected can affect you in lots of different ways. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about it, some young people have said they feel lonely, anxious, or scared. You might feel like you don’t deserve to have your needs met, but that’s not true. You’re always important.
Learning to cope or feel differently after neglect can take time, but you’re not alone. There are different ways to cope with how you’re feeling:
Get support with what’s happening
You deserve to feel cared for and supported. Speaking to an adult you trust can get you the support you deserve as well as help show you you’re not alone.
Make time for yourself
Take time every day to do things to build your self-esteem or that help you to feel good. We’ve got lots of advice on how to cope with difficult emotions.
Tell people when things feel too much
Try making a plan for if things feel overwhelming, including knowing what to do and who to speak to for support.
Give yourself time
Be kind to yourself and remember that what you’ve been through is difficult. Things can change in the future, and we’re here to support you through that.
Helping someone else
If you think a friend or family member is being neglected, there are things you can do to help. It’s not always clear if someone’s being neglected, but there are things you might notice:
- they seem like they haven’t washed, are dirty or smelly, or their clothes seem dirty
- they are hungry or asking for other people’s food
- they often come to school with no lunch money or packed lunch
- their parents don’t seem to know where they are or what they are doing
- they often don’t turn up for school, or they often arrive late
- they don’t seem to have many friends
- they get sent to school even when they are really unwell.
If you’re worried about a friend or someone you know, then it’s okay to get support. It can help to start by sharing what you’ve noticed with an adult you trust. You could also help a friend to speak to someone they trust if they’re able to.
If you're not getting what you need at home you might be experiencing neglect.
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What different words mean
You might see and hear different phrases about neglect, but it can be hard to understand these sometimes. We’ve included some of these below:
Abandonment
When someone is left alone for a long time without anyone to take care of them.
Advocate
Someone who speaks up for a child’s needs and rights. If you’re being neglected, an advocate can help.
Basic needs
Things everyone needs to live, like food, water, clothes, and a safe place to sleep.
Caregiver
A person who looks after a child, like a parent, guardian, or family member. If you’re in care, this may also be a foster parent or a care worker.
Emotional neglect
This is when a child or young person’s or emotional needs are ignored. For example, if nobody listens to you, gives you comfort, or helps when you’re upset.
Healthy development
Growing up in a way that helps you to learn, stay healthy, and feel good about yourself. Neglect can have an impact on your development, so it’s always important to get support.
Medical neglect
When you don’t get the medical care you need. For example, going to see the doctor when you’re unwell, or not seeing the dentist regularly.
Physical neglect
This is when your basic needs aren’t being met. This might include things like food, clothes, or a safe place to live.
Reporting
This is when you tell a trusted adult or authority (like a teacher or social worker) if you or someone else is being hurt or neglected.
Safe adults and trusted adults
Grown-ups who can be trusted to help and protect children, like teachers, counsellors, or family members.
Safe environment
A place where you feel protected and free from harm. Neglect can happen when someone’s home is unsafe or unhealthy.
Supervision
Having someone to watch over or taking care of you to keep you safe. Neglect can happen when adults don’t provide enough supervision.
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