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To Sam

Noone understands me at home

Hi i'm 16 &this is has been ongoing that my parents dont understand me, i am from a pakistani backgroud&my family is not trying to understand that im growing up i need my own space and i want to do what i want, first i was forced to wear a hijab and had no choice to wear it, now i have a hobby of wearing makeup and they have a problem with me wearing it, and this is makinh me really upset because wearing makeup makes me happy they are just tryibg to control me and want me to do what they want and this is making me really stressed

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Family relationships can be difficult. Especially when your family is made up of different people with different needs, ideas and ways of behaving which means that getting along together isn’t easy.

It's normal to want to become more independent as you grow up. Wanting a say in things like what you wear, having your own space and being allowed some freedom to see friends and do social activities. It can be very frustrating when parents disagree or set boundaries that you feel are too restrictive.

Living together in a family is about trying to get along together and this might mean some compromises on both sides. Sometimes it can help to talk about the issues and problems as you see them and try to come up with a solution that you're all are okay with. It also be helpful to involve a wider family member, who might see the situation without being involved in it and offer some objective advice into the discussion.

If your parents are unable or unwilling to change their minds because of cultural or religious reasons, for instance, or concerned about safety, then it can mean you finding a way of coping with this. Getting upset, anxious and stressed can affect a lot of areas of life such as school, college or friendships. So it could be a good idea to find a way to manage these feelings.

Some people use distractions like listening to music or use relaxation techniques to help them calm down. But different things work for different people and there are some tips on managing anxiety which can give you an idea.

Another useful way of coping is by talking about the problem with someone you trust who will listen and support you. Talking can help you to get things off your chest and also to see things from a different perspective. Remember, you can talk to Childline who offer a safe space to talk by phoning them on 0800 1111 or chatting online.

Getting support of other people can also really help and the Childline message boards could be a way of seeing how other people are coping in a similar situation.

Take care for now.


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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