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No space at home

Dear Sam,

I would like to ask you about how to fix the relationship in my house with my parents.

Lately they have been arguing non-stop and I can't do anything about it because I don't want to get involved and mess my relationship with my parents.

I don't even have a space of my own because my dad took my desk and is in my room all day my mum is always downstairs working, Cooking, Cleaning so I can't go there.

My parents let out there stress on me and my dog telling me how ugly we look how useless we are and that we are a pain to look after. They threaten to abandon my dog on the streets.

It is not like my parents hate me or I hate my parents, I love them so much and I know they love me too I just don't know what to do about their problems sometimes they even say that they will get a divorce.

They have made me so depressed that I have became lonely and I have come to believe whatever they have told me.

Please write back and help me with my situation

Thanks You So Much Sam 😊

PS: For now things are fine my dad is not at home and my mum is cooking I am sitting on the dinning table writing this without them noticing if they do find out I will be in huge trouble.

Bye 👋

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Everyone needs time to themselves and some personal space. The amount of time and space each person needs is different, but there will almost always be a time when someone just needs to have time away from friends and family, no matter how much they love them.

Family relationships can be difficult, and when families spend a lot of time with each other it can sometimes lead to arguments, but if this happens a lot it can become emotional abuse.

It's not okay for your parents to tell you you're ugly or that looking after you is a pain. You are their responsibility and it doesn't matter how difficult everything else is, you should be their first priority. Threatening you with abandoning your dog is not okay either as they would know this is upsetting for you.

Getting space in a crowded house is hard if you don't have anywhere else you can go. Normally a bedroom can give you privacy, but for you even that space is taken. Finding small corners of the house where you can get some time for yourself is important and you might need to get a bit creative.

If you have a bath, you could use this to get time to yourself - or if you have a garden you could spend time there when the weather allows it. Whatever you have where you live, try to think about different ways of using the space you have available.

Communication is usually the thing missing when people start to argue. If your parents are arguing a lot then this might be because they are stressed and not talking to each other properly. They might not be aware of how their arguing is affecting you. It can also be upsetting if you’re worried about them splitting up or getting a divorce.

If you feel like it's safe, you could tell your parents how unhappy you are with the situation at home. Try to think of what you want to change before you talk to them so you can be clear about what you want to happen. You might not get exactly what you want but you might be able to improve things a bit once they understand how their actions are affecting you.

If your parents continue to call you names or put you down, it’s important to tell someone else about this. If you have other relatives you can trust then you can try talking to them or you could find another trusted adult to speak to about this.

You can also talk to a Childline counsellor who can listen anytime you want to talk. Or you can speak to other young people about what you’re going through on the Childline message boards.

Thanks for sending me this letter, take care.

Sam

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