Hi there,

It can feel scary when you’re losing control of your relationship, especially when you’re feeling pressured or worried about the future. It’s important to get support, and you’re doing the right thing by talking about what’s happening.

Grooming is when someone builds your trust and makes a relationship with you to try and get something from you. You might be pressured to do something sexual, illegal, or be put in situations that make you uncomfortable. Being groomed, tricked, or pressured isn’t your fault, and it’s not okay. It can happen to anyone, and we’ve got lots of information to help you look for the signs.

Whether you feel like you’ve been groomed or not, it can be hard to know what to do when a relationship is starting to feel out of control or abusive. What you’ve described is controlling behaviour that is never okay in a relationship. Nobody should make you feel like you owe them or like you have to do things because you love them. It’s also never okay for someone to pressure you to do anything sexual. What you’re describing is an unhealthy relationship, and what’s happened can be considered to be domestic abuse.

I’m concerned that you’re feeling pressured to move into his flat. It sounds like you know that it’ll make it harder to stay connected to people in your life, but at the same time I can see that it’s hard to say no right now. When you’re feeling pressure like this, it’s important to get help outside of the relationship.

An important part of any healthy relationship is feeling able to get support and speak to people outside of your partner. If you’re struggling with things that are happening, talking about it can help you to see things in a new way or get support to feel more in control. You could talk to your family, an adult you feel safe with, or with a Childline counsellor. Speaking to Childline is confidential, and you can talk to our counsellors about anything that’s happening.

If you are worried about the future, it’s important to think about different ways you can stay safe. Sometimes this can mean thinking about ways to say no to moving in together, but it can also mean making a safety plan if things go wrong. A safety plan includes exactly what to do and where to go if there’s an emergency or you feel unsafe. It can help to make one with someone you trust, and we’ve got lots of advice on how to make one. Remember, in an emergency you should always call 999.

Being in an unhealthy relationship can make you feel alone or isolated, but you should never have to cope alone. Childline is always here for you.

Take care,

Sam