Hi Sam, so there is a person in my school (a boy) who is two years older than me and he really likes my like he will call my hot and fit and everything but I don't know how to tell him I don't like him because he said that he either has already or is about to order a very expensive ring for me. What do I do?
Hi there,
It can be awkward when someone has feelings for you but you don't feel the same way. It's always okay to say that you're not interested in a relationship and you never have to do anything you don't want to. Often it can be best to be clear and honest about how you feel, even if that might seem like you're going to hurt their feelings.
Nobody can choose their feelings. Neither you or this boy. If he likes you then he can't do anything about that feeling, but he does have to respect you and does have a choice about how he acts. He shouldn't try to harass you or say things that make you uncomfortable. It can be rude to comment on how someone looks, even if it’s meant as a compliment. He should like you for who you are, not just what you look like.
Telling someone you don't feel the same way doesn't have to be anything mean or horrible, it's just you telling them the truth about your own feelings. You can't choose how to feel either and it's okay not to find them attractive. We all find different people attractive and that’s okay.
One of the best things to do is listen to them first, ask them how they feel and let them say what's on their mind. Once they’ve said everything that they want to, you can then say how you feel. Try to be kind, but assertive. Your goal is to make sure they understand that you don't feel the same way and that this isn't going to change. It's important to think about what you want. You might want them to give you some space for a while for example.
It can be tempting to say you'll stay friends. Sometimes this is okay, but be very clear that it’ll just be friends and nothing more. Sometimes when people have a crush, they can keep false hope that you’ll change your mind later and may feel like staying friends is keeping that hope alive. You have to judge this yourself as you know this person best.
I hope this has helped, if you want to talk more you can always talk with one of our counsellors. They are there to listen and support you.
Thanks for your letter.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
