Hi there,

Feeling liked by other people is often all about how you see yourself. If you like yourself and who you are, it’s easier to recognise that other people like you too. It can take time to feel confident about yourself without focusing on how you look, but there are things you can do to make is easier.

Building your self-esteem is a journey, and I’ve got some tips that will help you to get started.

Feel good about who you are

Self-esteem is all about feeling good about yourself and who you are, inside and out.

There are a few things you can try to start to build your confidence. It can take time and it’s all about recognising the different things you like about yourself.

Try acting like you’re already confident, even if you’re dressed in a way where you wouldn’t normally feel that way. This could mean making more eye contact, standing straighter, or even just smiling more.

Even when you’re not wearing clothes you don’t feel confident in, acting confidently can change how people react or talk to you.

There are lots of ways to build your confidence, try our tips to see what works for you.

Focus just on what you think

It’s natural to want other people to like you, but when you’re focused too much on other people it can make it hard to think about yourself.

There are a few things you can do each day to focus on yourself and what you think:

• Write down one thing you like about yourself that doesn’t involve how you look
• Take a break from social media, especially if it’s making you focus on likes or impacting how you feel
• Do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment
• At the end of each day write down 1-2 things you’ve done that you’re proud of, even if they’re small

Challenge your negative thoughts

When you tell yourself that nobody likes you unless you look a certain way, then you’ll start to look for things to confirm that. You might assume that someone does or doesn’t like you because of how you’ve dressed, when it might have nothing to do with that.

The next time you feel like someone doesn’t like you, stop and take time to follow these steps:

• Write down or focus on what you’re feeling
  Think about what’s happening, you could even write down what made you feel this way
• Check your assumptions
  What do you have evidence for? What are you just guessing about. For example, someone might not be interested because they’re in a relationship, they’re tired, or they’re feeling nervous themselves.
• Switch your perspective
  Instead of thinking, “they don’t like me because of how I look”, you could change it to “I don’t know if they like me, but they might be tired or distracted.”

Changing what you assume about other people can help you to take control of how you’re feeling, and stop you putting pressure on yourself to behave certain ways.

No matter how you’re feeling about yourself, it can help to talk it through with Childline. Share what you’re thinking any time with a Childline counsellor and get ideas to help you feel differently.

Take care,

Sam