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Not being able to go out...

I'm a Muslim girl and i  just want to go out and spend time with my friends but my parents won't allow this I feel left out because my friend's parents allow them to and I just can't I feel lonely at home I spend time on youtube and watching tv shows I don't know what to do and how to convince them I have tried speaking to them but I find it hard and I don't think they understand I have tried going to the library to revise with my friends but my parents want to come along. In September I am going to be entering year 11 and I want to use summer holidays going out with my mates before my exams start but I just can't I have tried to convince them but nothing seems to work I just don't know what to do at home I just feel lonely and sad because I just not able to spend time with my friends and there is not much to do at home all day, every day.

I was supposed to go today to see my mates but i  wasn't able to.

What do I do???

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

There are times that families disagree about things and your parents or carers might decide that you can’t do something that your friends are doing. All families are different and have different rules and expectations.

What you want to do and your feelings are important, and should be listened to, even when you’re expected to live within the family rules

Living at home can be difficult when you have different ideas to your parents about what you should be able to do. Socialising with other young people is an important part of growing up and you might feel alone and isolated when you can’t spend time with your friends.

It’s natural to want your parents to understand how you feel and you might feel disappointed when they say no. It’s often best to not react straight away and to try to look at the situation from both sides so that you understand their decision better. When you’ve had a little time to reflect, you might notice ways that you can offer a solution or a compromise that could work

The rules that your parents set are usually to try to keep you safe, to look after your health, to encourage you to achieve at school or college, or to set boundaries that are important to them because of their religion or culture. They might want you to live within similar rules to other members of their community, or the way they were brought up by their parents

It can feel frustrating when you’re not allowed to do something and that can sometimes make it difficult to show that you respect their decision. Try to reflect on the reasons they gave you and their point of view and ask calmly about anything you don’t understand. You could let them know that you accept their decision but at the same time you feel disappointed about not going.

When you talk, let them know that you can see their point of view and you want to try to look together for other options that they might agree to. These could be smaller steps towards having more independence, like suggesting a meeting place closer to home or going out for a shorter length of time. You could say that you’ll text or call every hour or two while you’re out, ask if they’d like to talk to your friend’s parents’ first, or invite your friends to your house so they can meet them.

Ultimately, if they still say no you might have to accept the decision for now and find other ways to keep in contact with your friends, like social media or video calls. You could still plan ahead, and ask your parents or carers if they will reconsider their decision in the future. If they agree, ask if you can talk about it again in a few weeks or months’ time.

Sometimes, other family members like aunts, uncles, cousins or older siblings might be able to talk to them on your behalf and help you to put your point of view across.

Remember, you can talk to a counsellor at Childline about anything that’s worrying you.

Take care,

Sam

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