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To Sam

Is this a sign to end my relationship with my bf?

Hi sam! i wasnt sure who to talk to about this so im really hoping you can give me advice. ​ Im 16 years old and currently going through my GCSEs, obviously this is a stressful time due to my anxiety, but I don’t think my boyfriend is helping with any of it. ​ we have been together just over three months and he’s already showing signs of toxic behaviour, he calls me slurs when he’s angry (which is a lot of the time) I am unfortunately what seems to be the punching bag as whenever he’s angry he seems to put all his anger into arguing with me and telling me what I’m doing wrong and how to change myself. ​ I’m not sure what to do as there have been incidents where I have felt scared to talk to him about my feelings as he constantly shuts me down and tells me he’s going through worse. There have been multiple times where even my own mum has told me he is manipulating me and controlling me, she is saying this because he has all of my social media passwords and doesn’t let me talk to any of my boy friends. Obviously, this is upsetting as I feel like I should be allowed to be friends with people who I have known since primary school. ​ I feel as if a lot of girls go through the same situation as me where they are either being controlled or emotionally abused and I feel like as a teenager it doesn’t get spoken about enough. If you have the time, it would be appreciated if you could give me advice on what to do as I am stuck. I feel mentally drained as I’m constantly caring for him but I get nothing back.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Everyone deserves to feel respected and valued in their relationship. Being put down, made to feel like you can’t say things, or being controlled are signs of an unhealthy and possibly abusive relationship. You should never have to cope with a relationship like this alone.

There are lots of ways to get support when you’re not sure about your relationship. It can help to talk and get opinions from people outside of what’s happening. You said your mum told you he’s manipulating you, so your family and other adults you trust can be a great place to start. Sometimes it can help to list all the things that are happening like you’ve done here, to help them see what things are like.

You should never feel pressured to share things like your social media passwords, and it’s not okay for someone to dictate who you can be friends with. Remember, you have a right to your own life. If someone has access to your accounts, you can change your passwords or remove their access any time.

If a relationship isn’t healthy or it’s abusive, it can help to think about whether you want it to continue. There’s no right or wrong way to end a relationship, but it can help to make a plan of how you want to and when. If you’re feeling unsafe, then it’s important to talk to someone you trust about ways to protect yourself.

When you’re unsure about your own relationship, it can help to find out more about what a healthy relationship is. You could also take our relationship check-up. You’re not alone, and lots of young people share their experiences of relationships on the message boards.

Remember, if you’re ever in danger then you should call 999 and you can always speak to one of our counsellors.

Take care,

Sam

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