Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

i might of been sexually assulted

hi sam im a 13 year old girl from scotland and a couple of month ago i was out on a friday night with my best friend (whos a girl) and this other boy we know but he was a year older, while we were walking around he pulled me away and said he wanted to "talk to me" but he really just tried to kiss me, i was embaressed and just went along with it and he then put his hand down my leggings and started touching me i then pulled away so we could just continue walking about. while we were walking however, he put his hand down my leggings again while we were at a main road i told him to stop but he didnt and he just kept touching down there and grabbing my bum even tho i told him to stop multiple times. just need some advice..?

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

You have the right to say no when someone tries to kiss or touch you. Being touched without your consent is considered assault.

You can ask someone to stop sexual activity including kissing and touching at any time, even if you agreed earlier or at another time. You can change your mind about what you want at any point and that should always be respected by the other person.

Consent means that you fully agree to what’s happening at the moment, not to what you agreed in the past, and it’s an important part of relationships and sex. You can show your consent in different ways. You might say yes or show that you’re happy with what’s happening or you might suggest what you do together.

When you feel confused or scared about what someone else is doing to you, you might decide to play along if it feels difficult to say no or you don’t know how to ask them to stop. Playing along isn’t consent and the other person should understand that you’re not fully agreeing to what they’re doing. It’s everyone’s responsibility to check that the other person agrees to sexual contact. Even when they didn’t understand you weren’t happy with kissing they should check with you before taking things further.

You have the right to say who, when and how someone else touches your body. And it’s okay to be clear and assertive about what you do and don’t agree to. If someone else isn’t listening to what you say you might need to get some help to make them stop and that could include calling your friend, shouting loudly so that someone hears you or calling the police if you’re in danger or feel threatened in any way.

Thank you for your letter. If you need to talk more about what’s happened you can contact a Childline counsellor for support. You can also post on Childline’s message boards and get tips and advice from other young people.

Take care,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I would be especially interested in hearing more about how coronavirus might have affected you at home and at school. 

Write me a letter