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You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
Hi there,
Thanks for your message Im glad you decided to write to me because I can hear how difficult youre finding things at the moment and these feelings are not something you have to cope with on your own.
Youve said that youve been feeling really depressed and it sounds like those feelings have had a knock-on effect to other areas in your life such as school. Studying for exams can be difficult at the best of times but it is even harder when youre not feeling 100%. You mention that you have taken an online test for depression and it is really important for me to tell you that the only reliable diagnosis and treatment for any medical condition, including depression, can come from a health professional like a doctor or nurse. There are a lot of online tests for depression out there and sometimes it can seem easier to go through something like this as we do not have to make an appointment or to face anyone to tell them how we are feeling. It can take courage to go to a doctor but people like that are best placed to help you, and you have already shown great courage in writing to me about this.
It also sounds like the feeling of depression has got to the point where you are feeling like you want to die. I do not believe that suicide is the answer and I am glad that you are able to write about this. Whilst youre feeling this way its important to make sure that you are staying safe and the best way to do that is to tell someone you trust that youve been feeling this way. You can also visit our page on coping with suicidal feelings.
Youve described how you put on this fake front so that people think you are happy that sounds like a difficult thing to have to keep up all of the time. It actually sounds exhausting. It could be worth thinking about what it would be like if you didnt have to pretend all the time try and picture that and see how it would feel to be able to be open and not have to think about how you appear to others.
ChildLine are here for you. Perhaps you can come and have an online chat or call us free on 0800 1111. We are available for you whenever you need us you dont have to go through this on your own. Together, ChildLine can help you work out what the next steps for you might be. You could also have a look at the message boards where you can get support from other young people who may be feeling the same way.
Take care
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.