Feeling guilty about breaking unspoken ban? | Ask Sam
Hi Sam,
I'm very sorry if this is not as important as many other things, but I can't stop thinking about this.
I really love reading, but recently I have been drawn to certain books and if I can't read them or access them I feel very upset. I really enjoy reading LGBTQ+ books, but I'm not sure why. I have just started reading this new graphic novel series with gay characters, but I can't find the rest of them online and I feel very stressed, as I am worried what my parents would say if I asked to buy them, as they don't really know I am reading books like this, and I am worried about how they would react. I also feel guilty for wanting to read them- I keep it very secret. I was wondering if you had any suggestions on other ways to access the books or asking my parents about buying them or talking to them about LGBTQ+ content? Everything is age appropriate (I'm 15). I just feel really ashamed but also frustrated I cannot read them.
Many thanks for reading
Sam
Hi there,
It’s great to read and experience and wide variety of books, comics, and graphic novels. Exploring different kinds of books can let you discover genres you enjoy or help you learn about yourself. It’s also always okay to enjoy LGBTQ+ graphic novels and literature.
It can feel frustrating when you can’t access the books you’re interested in. If you want to read or access books or graphic novels for free, your library is a great place to start.
Your local library will have a catalogue of books, graphic novels, and even ebooks that you can access. You can usually view your catalogue online and reserve the books you want. If your local library doesn’t have a book, you can also request it from another. You can find more information on your local library’s website. If you’re worried, you can also ask them whether your parents would be able to see what you borrow.
If your library isn’t able to help, then it may help to think about ways to ask your parents. Bringing up LGBTQ+ literature might feel scary for lots of reasons. You could be worried about whether someone will make assumptions about you, or that they’ll make homophobic or transphobic remarks. If someone’s enjoying LGBTQ+ literature because they connect to it, they might also be worried that sharing it would mean coming out.
Nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable about what you’re reading. If you decide to talk to your parents, it can help to think about what they’d ask and how you’d feel comfortable responding. There are lots of ways to bring up the books. It could be as simple as, "I’ve been getting into this graphic novel series and wanted to buy the next one."
Planning answers to questions can help you to feel more confident with asking for support. Remember, you only need to share what makes you comfortable and it’s okay to be honest.
Take care,
Sam
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