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To Sam

I think I may have an eating disorder but I don’t know

Hi sam. Today we had an assembly at school about childline so i thought id look into it at home. I dont have a phone or messages so i cant call however i want to ask for help with my issue.

Theres this thing called the “eating thing” in my family. Ever since i was younger ive hated topics and discussion of eating plus i would only eat small amounts of certain foods. People in my family have always been dieting and often comment on my body. Im only an 11 year old girl (12 soon) but i know a lot about exercise and calories including most of the numbers on the back of food packets.

I just feel as if im too young or im not sick enough to have one, but since the age of 9 ive been very aware of my body, weighing myself daily. I would always skip meals to achieve being skinny when in reality i wasnt big either. When i was ten i was really focussed on exercise and the summer body i needed. I used to like faint a lot and get migraines however my parents (specifically my mum) wouldn’t take it to well and would just yell at me and take my stuff away if i didn’t eat.

The guy i liked at the time would constantly call me fat with his friends and call me a gross fat cow. I felt so ashamed. I still do. I wrote a letter to my parents after dieting for a while after my friends told me they were worried for me and thought i had something called “anorexia” which i then found out is a type of eating disorder. My parents hugged me and were really nice that one night i worked up the courage to talk to them. Then they never spoke about it again and i felt kind of let down since i just wanted help to stop feeling like this.

I was fine for like a year, still working out and weighing myself but eating a lot more and blocking out the voices reminding me of calories in my head. But i now hate my body as more people call me fat and i fear its getting bad again. Im lying about eating and wearing baggier clothes.

The only person ive told is my best friend of seven years, who just got into a huge fight with me. I dont know what to do. Im scared my best friend will tell my secret and that even though i want help from family, ill be to scared to ask for it. They are always forcing me to eat and to eat things out of my comfort zone and my grandma who lives with me is always calling me fat. Some people at school also call me a skinny stick tho , but im still unsatisfied. My bmi says im severely underweight. I dont know what to do. please give me advice on how to talk to people about this.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Problems around eating can start quietly sometimes. It might be that you’re cutting back on certain foods, focusing on calories, or trying to fit an idea of how your body “should” look. When things start having an impact on your life it’s important to get support. Remember, you don’t need to wait until things feel worse or more serious, getting support now is a positive step.

You deserve support, but it can feel tough when the people around you don’t understand or react well. If talking to someone at home doesn’t feel like the best option, there are other adults who can help. It might help to talk to a trusted teacher, school counsellor or a doctor. You don’t have to share everything at once. If talking feels too hard then writing things down can be another way to share.

If you’re struggling to reach out for support again, there are things that can help. We have lots of helpful advice on eating problems to help you understand what’s happening. Finding out more about what’s going on can help you feel more confident to get support.

The message boards can be a really helpful place to talk to other young people who struggle with their eating. It’s a safe place to share how you’re feeling without anyone knowing who you are. Even reading others' stories on there can help you to know you’re not alone.

Whether you talk to someone in your life or not, Childline is always there for you. You can call for free on 0800 1111, speak online using 1-2-1 chat, or create an account to send us a message. You can talk to a Childline counsellor about anything at all, and they can help with figuring out ways to get support in your life.

Take care,

Sam

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