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To Sam

Who to spend christmas day with

Hi,so every year at christmas i have the evening to my dad and the morning with my mum(they are separated) erm but my mum wants to take me and my soster away for 2 nights christmas eve and christmas night but i really want too see my dad like we usally do in the evenings but my mum is saying that she will be alone she doesnt have anyone i told her i dont want tok go on holiday but she says that we are are im ungratfull.But i really want too see my dad and i know he wants to see me and my sister too! what do i do?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

During special holidays such as Christmas, many families tend to spend more time together. However, this can often lead to high expectations and a desire to please everyone, which may not always be feasible. It can be challenging to divide your time fairly among different family members. While it is natural to want to avoid upsetting anyone, it is essential that you feel comfortable with the plans being made.

Some individuals opt to have multiple Christmas days to accommodate different family members. This could involve celebrating the day with one part of the family as usual, and then setting an agreed-upon day to treat it as a second Christmas, complete with gifts/traditions, just as you would normally do.

Alternatively, some families agree to alternate years, meaning that if you spend this year with one parent, next year you may spend more time with the other parent. Both options can work together to find a solution that suits everyone involved.

Change is never easy, especially when holiday traditions have been established for many years. Deviating from these routines can make the holiday feel less special and may seem like breaking tradition. However, embracing new plans can sometimes bring excitement and fresh experiences.

It can be helpful to openly share your feelings with both your mum and dad, expressing what is causing you to feel a certain way. By engaging in honest conversations, a compromise can potentially be reached that takes into account everyone's concerns and desires. Ultimately, finding a balance that works for everyone.

Remember, it is not your responsibility to make everyone happy. Your feelings and desires are equally important. While some plans may disappoint certain individuals at times, you should not be made to feel guilty for them.

It is a good idea to start having these conversations when there is plenty of time for everyone to make their plans.

You may also find it helpful to speak about this more with Childline counsellors or other young people on the message boards.

I hope this helps

Take care


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