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Struggling to be seen as an individual

I have an identical twin, who I love dearly. I am glad I have her, but also sometimes I wish I wasn't a twin. All too often people talk about us like we are the same, and people never bother learning the difference. They normally pass it off as a joke and I think they mean well, but they don't understand it actually hurts. It hurts that people don't see me and my sister as different people and understand what makes us different. For example in school, people always call me by my sister's name, even though we dress differently deliberately. When I was in India last year, my family kept asking me about my sister's hobbies. When I told them I like different things, they said they don't see the point. It's stuff like this which upsets me. People find it too difficult to see me and my sister as separate people and truly believe we should just be the same in every way to make people's lives easier. If we weren't identical, people would have no bother understanding us as two distinct people. I sometimes don't want people to know I have a twin, not because I don't like her, but because I get to be my own person.

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Sam

Hi there,

Everybody deserves to be treated as an individual. We’re all different and it can feel frustrating when that isn’t seen. Unfortunately, you can’t always control how other people react to you, but there are things you could do to help.

When you’re trying to be seen as an individual, it can help to start by sharing how you feel with the people closest to you. This could be your close family members, your carers, or even your friends. Sharing how the jokes or mistakes make you feel can help others to understand more about how you’re feeling and gives them a chance to respond differently. You could even say something as simple as, “It upsets me when people make jokes about me being my twin, it makes me feel like I’m not an individual”.

It can also help to learn ways to be assertive when people do start treating you like you’re not an individual. Being assertive means standing up for yourself and making your voice being heard, but still being respectful. We’ve got loads of ideas to help you be more assertive.

Lastly, it can help to think about spaces where you can go and just be yourself without your twin. You could think about joining clubs where it’s just you, or getting to know other young people on the message boards. Spending time with people away from your twin can help stop people comparing you and can give you time to focus just on yourself.

Take care,

Sam

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