My siblings seem to have forgotten my dad but I haven’t. | Ask Sam
Hi Sam. So when i was 6 my father died due to suicide and i still remember him today. i feel like no one talks about him, and i know it was 8 years ago but on days like his bday or anniversary of his death, i remember him again and sometimes get upset, whereas no one else does, or speaks about it anyway. i kind of feel like i can’t talk about it, despite the fact i have loads of memories of him and want to know more. Could i try to talk to my siblings about it? im not sure about my mum as i don’t want to upset her…
Thanks for reading and listening.
Sam
Hi there,
The death of a parent or carer can be extremely difficult to cope with. No matter how long it’s been since your father died, you should always feel supported.
Lots of young people feel worried about talking to their family about their grief or memories of someone who’s died. It can help to remember that talking about your dad and how you’re feeling is healthy, you’re not doing anything wrong by wanting to talk.
There can be lots of reasons your family might not talk about your father. People can grieve in lots of different ways and sometimes people will avoid talking about it. It might also be that people aren’t sure if you want to talk about your father, so they don’t ask.
When someone has died by suicide, it can affect people in different ways to other kinds of bereavement. Some might feel angry at the person who died or blame themselves for what happened. All these things can make it feel harder to start a conversation about the person who died. Even when it’s hard to talk about it, it doesn’t mean your family won’t want to know what you’re thinking or feeling.
Only you can decide who you feel comfortable talking to. It’s okay to talk to your siblings if that’s what feels best, it’s also okay to talk to your mum. Starting a conversation can be hard sometimes. You could start by sending a message about your dad. This can give you time to think about what to say and give them time to respond.
Even if you don’t feel ready to talk to your family, you’re not alone. You can get support from Childline any time. The message boards are a safe space to talk to other young people and is a space you can share your memories about your dad. You can also get support from our counsellors any time.
Take care,
Sam
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