i accidentally found information about a death in my family | Ask Sam
so almost 10 years ago a family member (my cousin) died very suddenly. i was never told the exact cause (only 2 words and i was refused any more info) and we visited my aunt to pay our respects and that was it. there was nothing else said about it after then. i would ask about it not because i wanted to know the truth into the death, but i wanted to know more about him as a person. all i had was one photo, i don't think my parents liked him, hence his photo has been taken out of the frame and shoved in a cupboard.
anyways, i found the photo and that gave me his name. i wanted to see another photo, or info about him as a person. instead i found images of the scene where he died (nothing gruesome, there was no gore just the empty scene) and it felt too surreal. and i found a paragraph on how he died and rude comments blaming him for his own death.
i was only 6 when he died, but it felt like i was reliving he grief. i was withheld all this info when i was younger and now ive accidentally stumbled upon it, it feels like he died again.
and as i said, it will almost be 10 years since he died and although all my family around me don't seem to bothered, i am. i only saw him once and i am now saddened by his death. idk what to do or how to feel
Sam
Hi there,
Grief doesn’t depend on how well you knew someone or how much the people around you talk about them, it’s a personal experience. Sometimes grief can show up again when you learn new information or see something that brings the loss back into focus.
Finding photos or details can feel like being pulled back into emotions you didn’t get to explore properly when you were younger. It’s common for questions about a death to resurface, even years later.
There are lots of reasons details might not be shared with you. Adults can sometimes think they’re protecting you, or it might be too hard for them to talk about. As you get older though, not having the chance to understand who the person was when they were alive can make it feel harder to move on.
If you haven’t already, it can help to try asking questions about the person who died. 10 years is a long time, and people can sometimes feel more able to talk about things then. You could ask someone in your family, or even your aunt if you feel able to.
It could also be helpful to try find ways to remember the person who died. You could keep a photo somewhere safe, write down the things you do know, or think about what you would have wanted to know about them.
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
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