Im 14 and male and when i was younger i was sexually assaulted for years on end (5yrs-9yrs i think, its vague in my mind) by my male cousins and brother. Ive also been groomed multiple times by multiple adults in the age range of 19-45, both men and women.
What i want is advice on how to tell people and who to tell. As a boy i feel so stupid and like it makes me gay, and because some of my groomers were women i feel like i was supposed to like it because im a boy. The most ive talked about this is on the 1-2-1 chats on here as well as anonymously e-mailing the nspcc in the past but im so scared to say it to anyone i know in person, ive never told a soul. My biggest fears are
getting my brother and cousins into trouble or starting up arguments and court cases between my mam and dad again
telling my friends, im scared they'll call me gay or see me as a burden.
causing stress to my family
becoming the laughing stock of my family, my aunties and uncles dont like me and i dont want them to see me as less of a man, especially not my grandad and my other brothers
admitting that i willingly let myself be taken advantage of. its embarrassing
i really dont want my mam monitoring my social medias, im scared she will if she finds out
The main reason i want to tell my mam at the very least is so i can freely talk to my schools therapist without having to worry about her telling my mam afterwards. Ive considered just telling her and asking her to let my mam know for me, but then again i know i wont be able to escape that awkward conversation with mam. But the more i think about it the more it effects my schoolwork and revision.
Sam
Hi there,
Sexual abuse can affect anyone and being sexually assaulted or groomed is never your fault. You deserve support regardless of how or when this happened.
Lots of young people talk to Childline about sexual abuse, including boys. Being sexually assaulted as a boy doesn’t say anything about your sexuality or about what kind of person you are. It’s natural to feel worried about telling people in your life, but there are ways to make it easier.
It can help to start by thinking about who you’d feel most comfortable sharing this with. Getting support from Childline was a great first step, we can help you to think about which adults you most trust and feel supported by. This could be your mum, your school therapist, or anyone else. Think about someone you feel safe with.
If you’re worried about someone’s reaction, it can help to start by bringing things up in a more casual way. For example, you could talk about hearing it happen to someone else, or about something in the news. Hearing how they react can help you to feel more confident talking about yourself. Remember, even if your therapist needed to pass on what you’ve said, you can talk to them about that first.
When you’re ready, think about when and how you’d want to tell this trusted adult. Try to find a time when neither of you will be distracted. You might want to make time to talk or have something else to do after. Some young people find it helps to write it all in a letter, you could even include the worries you’ve said here.
Lots of young people blame themselves for their abuse, but that’s not true. You didn’t deserve or allow people to treat you like this. There’s no right or wrong way to feel right now.
Remember, Childline is always here for you.
Take care,
Sam
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