Ask Sam letter


To Sam

is it sexual assault?

hello, I'm 15 and i recently came to the realisation I may have been sexually Assaulted

the reason I'm not so sure is because I was drunk....does it still count? it just started with touching and I tried to move his hand but he carried on, and eventually he ended up doing stuff that made me really uncomfortable and I felt sick, I didn't say yes but I never fought or tried to escape either, I felt a bit frozen, i thought he was my friend, I feel like it is all my fault, if this is sexual assualt who do I tell?!

please help

Ask Sam


Hi there,

If someone wants to have sex with you or touch you sexually, they need your consent. Giving consent means saying you want it to happen and that you're making that decision yourself. If someone is drunk or unconscious then they can't really give consent. It's important for both people involved to make the same decisions as they would if they had nothing to drink.

Lots of young people write to me and ask if what has happened to them is sexual assault. If you don't say yes or don't make it clear you want to have sex or be touched in a sexual way, it's not okay for someone to assume you do and carry on. If anyone ever does something sexual to you and you haven't given your consent, it can be sexual assault. This is never your fault. We've got lots of information and advice you can look at on our rape and sexual assault page.

It's important to get support for this as soon as you feel ready. Talking about what happened and how you feel about it can make it easier to decide what you'd like to do next and if you want to take any action against this person. If they're someone you know and trust, it can make that decision even harder. But it's always okay to tell someone about this, like a friend or adult you trust. You haven't done anything wrong and you're not responsible for any consequences this person may face.

It's great that you've sent me this letter. If you need to talk more, our counsellors are here for you. You can talk through what happened in a safe and confidential space.

Take care.


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