Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Emotionally abused by my mum

hi Sam,

i was emotionally abused by my mum for years, it left me with no confidence,no self-esteem and no self-image, it went so far that she implied twice that she would kill me if i continued. i felt worthless, i was took out of her care 3 years ago by social services, they tried their best to try and get me contact with her but she used to always cancel them they eventually just gave up. But the abuse has left me emotionally scarred, and I'm still trying to come to terms with it especially since my dad said that she told him that she wasn't going to contact me until i apologize which i don't understand. I'm not sure what i would do


Ask Sam


Hi there,

It’s never okay for someone to hurt you in any way and this includes emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is when someone puts you down, shouts at you, ignores you or makes you feel bad about yourself. When this happens to you it’s always okay to ask for help.

The effects of emotional abuse can last a long time. Things like losing confidence, low self-esteem and feeling worthless are common if you’ve been emotionally abused. Constantly hearing negative things that make you feel bad can have a big impact on you emotionally and sometimes you might start believing that what the abuser is saying is right.

But talking about the way you feel can be the start of recovery and can help you see your own value and self-worth.  Talking about your feelings can also help you find ways to improve your confidence and self-esteem.  Getting some extra help often does mean asking for it or talking to someone you trust.

Sending this letter could be your first step towards getting the help you deserve. Now that you’ve sent me this letter you could continue talking to someone like a counsellor at Childline or you could talk to your social worker who should help you get the support you need.

Coping with on-going emotional abuse can be difficult but there are things that you could do to help yourself such as keeping a record of what happens, telling someone you trust or speaking to a professional like a doctor or social services.

I want you to know that you have nothing to apologise for, you have done nothing wrong. Well done for sending this letter, take care.


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter