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To Sam

Self-obsessed or self-loathing?

I'm 15 and for the past year my self esteem has been decreasing constantly.

I have moments when I just want to give up, run away, attack someone or break down in tears. I have not done any of these things at school (where I have been having these extreme mood swings)

I wish people would stop talking about me, I can hear them and they usually know or relish the idea that I'm 'oblivious' to their insults. I haven't told anyone at school about this and none of my friends think I'm having problems coping with my anxieties which makes me feel even worse.

I've wanted to move schools, but hoped that this school year would be different and people would grow up. There are multiple people who share my name in the year group and I am sensitive to the smallest whisper of it.

I hate caring about what others say, believing their insults and letting everything get to me. I just wish it would all go away.

I'm worried I'm depressed but don't want to approach my parents if this becomes worse. I want to put this away so I can focus on more important matters. Any advice?

Thank you for reading this.

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there

It sounds like you’re having a really tough time at the moment with all these emotions and feelings and not knowing whether to run away, hit someone, cry or just give up!  It must be so hard to cope when you are keeping all these feelings inside, and no one knows how you are really feeling.

I’m so glad you have been able to write to me and tell me what’s been going on for you and I wonder how you would feel about telling someone else?

If you are worried that you might be depressed it may be a good idea to talk to your doctor about this. At least you will know one way or another and the doctor can advise on ways to help you.

I’m wondering what stops you from talking to your mum or dad?  Maybe you can think about talking to one of them or, if not, is there anyone you trust that you could talk to about your feelings?  This could be a relative, friend or teacher at school (the school may have a counsellor).

I think it would be really helpful if you could talk to one of the counsellors at ChildLine. You can either phone on 0800 1111, or use the 1-2-1 online chat. Calling them is free and doesn’t show up on your phone bill and it is confidential (that means that they will not tell anyone else what you talk about with a counsellor, unless they think you are in immediate danger).

ChildLine counsellors are there to listen to you and not judge you in any way, and you can express whatever feelings you have, anytime you want.

Take care,

Sam.

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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