Ask Sam letter


To Sam


In December my best friend died of cancer. At first it I felt pain but my body just felt like a nothingness. Now I have come to my senses, I miss her so so so much. I wish she was here. I would replace my life with hers. Please Help Me.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your message. I'm really glad you chose to share your problem with me because it can really hurt when someone we care about dies and it’s good to talk about the things that hurt us the most.

Friends can sometimes be as close as family and we tend to share some very special moments with them. Sometimes we even share things that we wouldn’t share with anyone else. This makes it all the more difficult when someone like a best friend dies and it can take a long time to get used to them not being there.

It’s quite natural for people to feel numb or to not feel anything at all when someone dies. This might last a short amount of time or it could last for a very long time. There is no right or wrong way to feel and it’s okay to take things at your own pace. It sounds like for you, the period of feeling numb is over and you’re beginning to really face the gap that she has left in your life.

One part of coming to terms with a death is learning to be able to think about the good memories we have of a person we’ve lost. It may hurt too much to think about someone who’s died and you might not want to remember them because it will upset you. But don’t worry, eventually it will get easier to have and cherish those memories of the person.

The anniversary of her death will be approaching soon and so if you feel ready, it could be a good time to put together all of the things that remind you of her. If you have any photographs of the two of you and any letters or drawings you shared then perhaps you can collect these together and use them to remind yourself of what she meant to you.  

If you are still struggling to cope with your feelings then it’s always best to talk to someone about it. If you have people in your life who you trust then you could try talking to them about how you feel – perhaps talking to other people who were also close to your friend might help.

You can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor – just drop them an email, log on for a 1-2-1 chat or call them for free on 0800 1111 and someone will be there to listen.

Take care


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